Friday, January 1, 2010

Have I written this title before?

I am vehemently and passionately opposed to naps. Have been since the age that my taking one was a medical necessity (for the health of my teachers). Nap time was always my worst subject. I was the kid in kindergarten lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling wide awake, wishing I could tell time so I could count the minutes until I was allowed to get up off the floor and get back to the important business of wondering how long it would be until I was allowed to go home.

Now I'm the grown woman sitting at a desk and staring at the computer screen half asleep, wishing I could tell time to hurry up so I didn't have to count the minutes until I'm allowed to go to bed. Not that I ever need a clock to tell me when it's time for bed. If I've got eyes like a startled cartoon character and am bouncing around like a balloon losing air I know there must be just exactly enough time for me to get a good night's sleep before I have to be up in the morning.

And am I getting enough sleep at night? Generally yes, in direct defiance of the super happy exploding brain-itis that strikes me every evening, I am. Am I eating my vitamins and getting lots of fresh air and physical activity? Check and check and check again! Transforming into a brain deprived zombie for absolutely no reason at two pm every day, even on days that I slept in until noon? Yeah. Why is that?

I've been informed that it's because I'm more plant-like than my succulent meaty textures would indicate, and follow some kind of natural cycle which likes to shut bodies down in the middle of the day. Seems like a crock to me, but apparently it's science and my personal opinions are not. I'd like science to explain why it closes me up like a dandelion after sun down in the middle of the afternoon when there's nothing else stopping me from being productive, but keeps my naked monkey self wide awake all winter long despite the fact that winter is cold and I believe I just mentioned that I'm naked and perhaps I should also note that there are critters with thick fur coats whose bodies still have more sense than to stay awake when it's minus forty outside. So why doesn't mine?

Yeah yeah, science. Blah blah Kenya blah blah evolution blah blah space heaters. Stop excusing and start fixing. Here's the deal: if I go to bed on time like a good girl and get a good night's sleep, you let me stay up in the afternoon to play earn-a-living. Okay?

No, I know better than to expect a rational compromise. This is no accident of nature. This is a very carefully designed plot to usurp the laps of humankind, and this is exactly why house cats should never have been allowed to rule the world.

24 comments:

mouse (aka kimy) said...

what house cats don't rule the world? somehow, the four cats that live me with here on avenue c didn't get that memo!!

I dream of being able to nap.....but alas never get a chance.

happy 2010!!

Joanie M said...

I've been fighting sleep every day in the early evening. I sit down to read or watch TV and next thing I know, I'm sawing wood! If that happens, I'm up all night! And I get a good 7 hours of sleep every night!

gayle said...

I hate naps and never take them unless they are with my grandson!!!
Hope you feel better!!

blognut said...

I think it would be better if we just all worked together to have some sort of mandated nap time in the afternoon. We could just pull out our nap maps wherever we are and lay down for 30 minutes.

cinner said...

Naps are a necessity for me. Every 2 to 3 hours due to an illness. Sleep disorders are no fun at all. If I don;t stick to a schedule then overtired and it is not a pretty thing. Happy
2010. take care, be well.

jane said...

hahaha! i can sooo relate! tell me when you´ve figured it out. happy new year! from curtainless girl to another! besos-jane

Fire Byrd said...

Ah, so that's why they're called cat naps, it's all part of the world domination plan then!
xx

BLOGitse said...

I have the same problem every afternoon around 2 pm!
Normally I don't have a nap but do something else. Walk. Talk. Have a cup of coffee. etc...
It helps!

Happy New Year from
sunny Cairo!

secret agent woman said...

This is where the cultures that take a siesta have it all over us.

nick said...

I'm incapable of napping, or even having a lie-in. I also often wake up at 4 or 5 am. Surprisingly, I'm still pretty alert most of the time except in the evenings when I doze off if I'm bored.

If only we could control our sleep patterns the same way we control our hands or mouth. There ought to be an on/off switch just behind the left ear (or right ear if you prefer).

Eva Gallant said...

I must confess to an involuntary nap in the afternoon occasionally. I say involuntary, because I never intend to take one, it just sneaks up on me!

Berowne said...

I believe we have reached that stage the scientific community calls maturity when we feel a need for a nap coming on, and we just take it. No argument, no guilt, no rationalization -- just take it.

otin said...

I can get up, eat, and an hour later feel like I could take a nap. It wasn't always like that, it has definitely gotten worse. A rainy day is like a sleeping pill for me.

Also, when you are young, bed seemed like something that you could put off, now it is very inviting to me.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

I never take naps. Too much work to do.
Have a Happy 2010!
:)

Where the Fur Flies said...

Oooh... I love naps. Wish I could have one every day. The darn job tends to get in the way, though.

e said...

I took a five hour nap just the other day...

Happy 2010!

linlah said...

I like when other people take naps it makes me peaceful.

Kim said...

Naps?! Ahhh naps! I wish! And the cats in my house do seem to rule the house!

HalfAsstic.com said...

So like... have you ever considered writing for major medical journals? Cause I'm thinking what you said makes better sense than any other explanations. ;-)

Heidi said...

I was the one in pre-school that hated that my mom picked me up after only half day so I missed the napping on the floor time. Still love naps, although I don't ever want to get out of bed after one.
I've been good with taking my vitamins but nothing else and this weather is bringing me down.

nitebyrd said...

House cats do rule the world.

I don't know, I'm all for naps and think the US should adopt the afternoon siesta deal that some countries have. Also the two month vacation deal.

Sleepily yours ...

kys said...

I get that same thing between 2 and 3 every day. I thought it was because I'm lazy and had too many carbs for lunch. Now you tell me there is a scientific reason for my slump? You are my hero.

Lora said...

I always get sleepy this time of year. It's dark at 4:30! Why would I not be sleepy???

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