Friday, January 29, 2010

Did you even read this title?

A lot of people like to joke that the internet was invented for porn. Ah hahaha. You scamps! No. It was of course invented for arguing.

Wolf Spiders and Galapagos Tortoises each clear several hours of their schedule for mommy and daddy alone time. They're still at it long after the average human couple has unlocked the door, brushed their teeth, caught the first half of the late show and dozed off wearing their glasses. The average person just doesn't have the stamina to play that hard very long.

When it comes to arguing, though, our species can definitely go the distance. Many a baby has been born in an office chair because mommy was too busy debating the finer points of cloth vs disposable diapers in the forum thread she started the same day she peed on the stick. It's not that internet arguments go on for a long time, it's that they never end at all.

Some arguments get closed by moderators. Some arguments are abandoned when better arguments spring up somewhere else. No internet argument, however, is ever truly over. They wait. They incubate. They migrate. First to twitter. Then to the blog. Then back to the forums and the infectious cycle is complete. Less phoenix from a flame than forest fire from a cigarette butt, they rise again to consume all attention spans in their paths. A lot of people do their best to avoid them, but sometimes you don't even know you're in one until the marshmallow's melted off your stick and you can smell your burning hair. That's why it's so important to learn the warning signs:

Quotations:

If it's addressed specifically to you and it doesn't rhyme, odds are you're being argued at.

Religious quotations:

Uh oh. Now you're in trouble.

Nazi references:

Are you going to sit there and take that?

ALL CAPS:

Surely the computer wouldn't allow them to type it in ALL CAPS if it WASN'T TRUE, now would it?

Maturity level estimations:

I don't know what you said, but you clearly struck a nerve there. Also you just might be debating Pee Wee Herman.

LOL:

Okay they're officially running out of things to say.

I have more important things to do:

Well you won that one, but again, it's never really over. They'll be back in another thread.

And so will you.

48 comments:

BLOGitse said...

ALL CAPS
are really annoying...
but they work if you want to shout like:
HAVE A GOOD DAY!
But not necessary to shout.
You can add many exclamation marks

Have a good day!!! :)

http://BLOGitse.blogspot.com

dogimo said...

The purpose of argument is to leave the argument with the better opinion. Even if you didn't come in with it.

Kimberly said...

I hate the drama of an internet argument.

I was on twitter first, and honestly I was a little nervous to even start a blog. I read on other blogs that this person started a blog war with this person.

Geez, I am still haunted about starting a face book (space or whatever it is called).

Hope you have a great weekend!

It is late here.

nick said...

Well, that's the good thing about blogging (or the bad thing from another perspective). Once the next post goes up, the previous argument is OVER. I like a bit of debate, but I don't want to argue the obscure details of obscure points ad infinitum. Give my head peace!

As for cloth versus disposable diapers, the easiest solution is of course to lose the baby on the number 19 bus....

Hayley Egan said...

HIlarious. I was just thinking about an internet arugment I wanted to start. The figure that rubs me up the wrong way (apart from the forum ridiculous commenter), is "the celebrity blogger"
Don't you just want to leave them a comment saying, "Um, you are aware that you are not famous, right? SHUT UP!"
But then they would probably write back
"LOL"
and, as you articulated here... no-one would win..

Secretia said...

I think arguing is a big part of the internet usage, that and selling things, which is a lot like arguing.

Porn is the biggest part of the internet, because everyone is interested.

Then information gathering.

Secretia

My name is PJ. said...

This was my favorite: If it's addressed specifically to you and it doesn't rhyme, odds are you're being argued at.

Good post, TT!

Skye said...

I've just been cruising through your blog reading a bunch of posts, they're really good! I especially like your sock fetish dog post, now that was hilarious!

Thanks for stopping by my blog :) Oh, and by the way, yes I did read the title of this post :D

CambridgeLady said...

Excellent post, very funny and too true. I used to get way too involved in online debates. Now I think I've learnt when to just watch others winding each other up :)

The thing is you will never persuade anyone round to your POV on a online forum. No idea why. People really dig their heels in when they are essentially anonymous.

otin said...

Sometimes I do all caps because my finger accidentally hits the cap lock button and I am too lazy to retype the line! haha

Eva Gallant said...

I try to avoid arguments...they're too much like work!

Cathryn said...

I used to participate in online forums. USED to. Key word there. I gave it up for Lent and have never looked back. No, I am not Catholic but it's as good as any excuse. Somebody here said the anonymous issue makes people dig their toes in is so true. Whether they are right or wrong, they dig in for the long haul.

I'd much rather reach a consensus on an issue than do that waste-of-time/breath/mental sanity arguing!

Great Post!

Chris Stone said...

" It's not that internet arguments go on for a long time, it's that they never end at all."

that is so true.

*lol.*

Where the Fur Flies said...

As somebody who has recently stepped back from moderating on a fairly busy forum, I've got to say you're right. It's always the same few fights, over and over and over. It gets to that when I see a topic come up, I want to start locking down and deleting the topic, the profiles and sometimes the board. (Thus, why I've stepped back for a while.)

JenJen said...

I've never been in an internet argument.
I think.

f1trey said...

IM NOT going to argure with you!

Christian Mommy Writer said...

All caps is so not cool! I try to stay away from online arguing. :-)

Thanks for visiting my blog on my SITS day. Have a great weekend!

ellen abbott said...

I've participated in a few on-line 'debates' on a glass art oriented BB. I'm very careful to be civil and when the other participants start to get really offensive, I let them have the last word. Makes them look really stupid.

Mommyof2girlz said...

Stopping by from SITS to say Happy Saturday Sharefest. Love the pic at the end of your post. My mom used to have 2 Red Tails and 1 Harris Hawk. :)

fraizerbaz said...

It's funny... about 10 years ago, I turned to an online forum titled "Divorce Support" for moral & emotional support preceding my filing for divorce.

It wasn't very supportive at all. In fact, after a pair of trolls had their way with me, I left the forum very bruised.

What's up with trolls, anyway? Are they the adult equivalent of the childhood bullies you'd meet in the alley on the way home from school?

blueviolet said...

Am I missing out on internet arguments? I've never even been in one!!! But that's a good thing, I feel.

secret agent woman said...

I have learned about myself that although I don't go to other blogs and argue, if someone comes to mine and lobs an argument at me, I have a hard time not responding. The other warning sign is if the comment contains an irrelevant and insulting personal comment.

And no, I didn't even read the title.

Ron said...

Well, as you know I'm a big CAP person. However, I mainly use them to express excitement or drama.

Great point Nick made...

..the good thing about blogging is that once the next post goes up, the argument is over. Yet it's funny, because I have had a new reader return to a previous post (like a year later) and add their 2 cents. But, by that point I can't even remember what I was arguing about - HA!

LOVED your definition of LOL.

So true!

Janie said...

Funny. I hate being in arguments, but even I was inadvertently drawn into a blog comment controversy. Love the quotes.

Susan said...

That was hilarious and oh so true! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm really digging your posts :)

Unknown Mami said...

Of course I read the title! Are you arguing with me?

Matty said...

I learned a long time ago that people feel very strongly about their opinions, and nothing I say is going to change it. So why argue.

HalfAsstic.com said...

That's it. I'm just going to claim the "The Winner" title and not even worry about it. ;-)

LadyFi said...

Oh, so funny! Luckily, I*ve been spared Internet arguments that go on and on...

The Blue Zoo said...

I did read the title!

I havent had too many internet arguments. Yet.

blognut said...

The internet dramas have restored my belief that people NEVER grow up.

Like that? All caps? 'Cause it's the truth, or the internet wouldn't have let me say so.

Eternally Distracted said...

Internet arguments are worse than texting... people never run out of credit!!

Alan Smithee said...

Don't forget, the Internet is also useful for beanie baby auctions and genealogical research.

buffalodick said...

It takes two to argue...I don't argue, I debate...:)

Gaston Studio said...

I don't like to be shouted at, period.

Brian Miller said...

and when i click on the little red X in the corner...i win. smiles.

Fragrant Liar said...

I want to be a Galapagos Tortoise.

carma said...

LOL - oooops :D

gayle said...

Sometimes I like to argue and sometimes I don't just depends on my mood!!But I love to read other people arguing!

Helene said...

I don't get the whole idea of starting an argument with someone over the internet. It's just wasted energy the way I see it. Not to mention, whatever happened to "can't we just agree to disagree".

Spot said...

Wait? What?! There was a title??!

I hate internet arguments. It's really a waste of my time. No matter how articulate and logical you are, the other side will never give ground. So I just agree to disagree unless they've been personally insulting. Then, well sleep with one eye open...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. I replied to it.

♥Spot

UberGrumpy said...

Well, I'm not sure I can agree with you there. Or maybe I do.

See, now I'm arguing with myself. Who needs the Internet?

Sarah P said...

True dat.

I read updates on a true crime website. I rarely post, because the people there are batshit crazy and always fighting.

Still, I read (because I'm only batshit crazy).

I also appreciate arguments in comedy forums.

yorksnbeans said...

OMG....you've just described CNN's iReport!! I used to be one of their iReporters, but it was like banging your head against a door! :-)

Jason, as himself said...

Wait. It wasn't invented for porn? Wait. How did I get to this blog? I was looking for...um...never mind.

Joanna Jenkins said...

The internet seems to breed internet drama sometimes. Yawn.

:-)

Have a great week.

jj

rachel... said...

Okay, I'll admit to having been involved in one or two internet 'arguments' of my own... But not for a long, long time... Ah, the good old days.

Oh, and one of my favorite/most detestable internet argument maneuvers: When one proclaims that he/she is tired of the drama and will NOW be leaving the forum/group. And the inevitable pleas from other forum/group members to please stay in the forum/group... :/

Maureen said...

The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn. PORN PORN PORN! -- courtesy Avenue Q

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