Thursday, January 14, 2010

Too much title? Or not enough?

Now that I've blatantly condoned lying, I'd like to address the importance of keeping promises. Namely the promises we make to ourselves. Specifically the promises we make to ourselves when we're kids. Promises we swear we'll keep when we're grown up and riding destiny like a well broken stallion.

I, for example, was honor bound to buy myself a jar of Flinstone's vitamins for my eighteenth birthday and to eat as many as I could in one sitting. A promise is a promise, and if you can't trust yourself life is going to be a very dark place where fact and fiction commingle in obscene and uncomfortable ways. Kind of like an angry Three's Company. Only you're not Janet or Chrissy or Jack - you're all of them. And you're the Ropers, too. Eventually you become Mr. Furley as well. And that guy with the chest hair. Jack's friend. Whatshisface.

I thought if I kept typing that analogy would eventually go somewhere, but I think I'm going to let it drop now.

I ate the purple ones and the red ones. The orange ones? Threw them away! It goes both ways, remember - when you grow up not only can you eat anything you want to, but you don't have to eat anything you don't want to either. Run destiny, run - into the wind!

Of course want itself does evolve in alarming and unforeseeable ways as we age. You can't really know, for example, how important another person's wants can be to you until your hormones teach you how badly you can want another person. Likewise you can't really know how badly you want to eat well and stay healthy until you're no longer cute enough for other people to want to tuck you in and feed you soup when your orifices start spontaneously erupting with slime.

Generally speaking, though, we actually do a very good job of avoiding things we promised ourselves we'd never make ourselves do. The backbone of the global economy has been built on industries that profit directly from our promises that we wouldn't make ourselves do math or walk to the store when we got big. What happened to all the things we promised ourselves we would do, though?

Look out in your driveway. Do you see a fire truck there?

Where is your driveway? Do you live in Disneyland yet?

Okay not everything's going to be doable. But have you at least gone to the theme park your parents never managed to take you to?

Hey I'm not pointing fingers here. Last time I checked in the bathroom mirror I still wasn't Cher, so I've still got a lot of figuring out to do to make good on all the promises I made myself as well. Some of them are completely doable pretty much anytime, though.

C'mon. If you've got a box of Jello powder in the house odds are part of you wants to stick your finger in it, and if that's true odds are even better you promised yourself once upon a time that you would buy yourself a package someday specifically so that you could stick your big ol' spitty finger in there, whether you remember it now or not.

Off you go then.

And yes, My name is PJ, you most certainly do get confetti for being my 100th follower!


Hope it's okay like that. I just hate to have to get the vacuum out. You know.

30 comments:

Keith (Mindless Pursuits) said...

LOL. As long as I don't have to be Mr. Furley!

tattytiara said...

You can be whathisface. Jack's friend. I've always suspected you had a gold medallion or two lurking under those clever t-shirts of yours anyway.

nick said...

Actually I don't remember making any promises to myself when I was a kid. I was always the drifter who just waited to see what happened and followed my nose and my instincts. Which is why my life has been fun but hardly the glittering success it might have been if I'd had a properly organised promise portfolio.

But I must definitely promise myself my orifices will never start erupting with slime. Erupting with too much chocolate cake maybe but nothing that might frighten the horses. Or me.

Tamara said...

When I was a horrible emo teenager I wrote down a list of things I would never do that my mother does. I do pretty much all of them now ;-)

Brian Miller said...

so have you already broke those new years resolutions? its ok. now get on that list of things to do. smile.

secret agent woman said...

I remember promises of things I wouldn't do, most having to do with being better to my kids than my parents were to us. I think I've made a pretty good stab at that. I never did become a ballerina, though, :)

My name is PJ. said...

Jack's friend was Larry. He was sleazy.

I did take myself to Disneyland, multiple times (so there, Dad!) and, while I never became Cher, I did grow my hair really long in my 30's (take that, Mom!)

Your blog is my best new discovery. Thanks for the confetti. I tossed it in the air and did a little dance during its descent.

Tabor said...

Ok, the next can of whipped cream is all mine!

Organic Meatbag said...

Larry Dallas is the mystery neighbor you speak of... he is my Uncle on my neighbors' side...no wait...yeah, I'm bullshitting you... but you DO condone that, right?

f1trey said...

kudos and much agreed! the privilage of youth must be kept alive........ go baby!

Where the Fur Flies said...

Have haven't eaten a burned grilled cheese since I moved out on my own. I haven't scraped the black part off and eaten the rest, either. I swore when I was a kid, I'd just throw out burned food and start over and that's what I do.

Fire Byrd said...

So eating toast at 3am and chocolate any time just cause, are just two of my, look I'm really a grown up pursuits.
References passed me by being foreign .
xx

Eva Gallant said...

I know I have become my mother, and that is really scary!

injaynesworld said...

I think about that every time I have popcorn for dinner and ice cream for dessert.

Jazz said...

Jack's friend. Whatshisface.


That would be Larry.

It's scary that I actually remember that.

Megan said...

I must now go remind my brother of how we used to play Three's Company when we were kids. I think I will write it on his FB wall for maximum exposure.

linlah said...

What if that Three's Comapny analogy is exactly what my childhood promise was about?

allycupe said...

Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day! I LOVED all the comment love and now I'm here to spread it around!

Robin said...

Not me..i didnt have any promises nor did i have expectations when I was younger...they all came with my hubby, marriage and kids...and I turned out way better than I would have dreamed...not that I'm flattering myself..its just that I did things much better than I would have thought and I did things that I never would have thought I would do..I can thank therapy for that too..!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

One of my long-ago promises was that I could eat a Nut Goodie whenever I wanted...and I still think of my mother whenever I have one.

(Thanks for stopping by and commenting the other day.)

gayle said...

I am going to really think about this tonight!! Great thoughts!!1

HalfAsstic.com said...

Vacuuming up confetti do suck big ones.
Mr. Furley always gave me the eeby-jeebies.

Adoption Of Jane Ug-LBC said...

I was a Flintstone vitamin addict! Yeah Larry was Sleazy... enjoyed this flashback post!

♥Georgie♥ said...

LOL...oh how I low me some jello!
GREAT post!

Traci said...

His name was Larry. And he was icky. Even for the 70's.

I love this post. I don't live in Disneyland and I say things my mom said that I swore I wouldn't but I still love to feel the carbonation bubbles on my nose when I pour a cola and I love to eat icing straight out of the can. And I would absolutely stick my fingers in the Jell-O powder (in fact, I licked a bowl just this morning). It's good to remember the kid inside all of us. Thanks for the reminder.

Congrats on 100 followers (and counting!).
:-)

IB said...

I promised myself I was going to be a hippie. I gave it a whirl but quickly found that being stoned, cold, and hungry, wasn't all it was made out to be in the brochure.

The Mommyologist said...

HA! I've actually thought about eating my son's Flinstone vitamins on more than one occasion!

ger said...

This was fun + interesting to read... - thanks for your comment at Gerdiary...

Hilary said...

Well darn. Who knew I'd forget to make good on my childhood promises. I was going to have a houseful of dogs. Instead, I have two cats and a part-time Jack Russell Terrier which actually contributes greatly to feel as if I have a houseful of dogs. Good enough.

K said...

Being a grown up is awesome isn't it?

I have big plans to make rice krispy treats tonight and eat half them while they are still warm....because I can.

About Me

My photo
Alberta, Canada
Quality blog entertainments delivered in a convenient, electronic format, and widely read by the sexiest, most intelligent, and wittiest people on the internet - all of whom practice exemplary personal hygiene.