A little bit about me? Okay. Well... I'm single, love animals, love dancing, love going to the library, and my hobbies include painting, playing the mandolin, learning French, and raising mutants.
No, I'm not referring to Cynthia, the living embodiment of O_o:
She qualifies as a mutant, sure, but she was a gimme. She came pre-mutated. It was no reflection on my nurturing.
This is what a reflection on my nurturing looks like:
If it weren't for the little plastic marker I don't think even they'd know they were tulips. Being raised in a thin, diluted trickle of January light in a Northern Canadian basement without water or adequate nutrition has left them a bit confused about just how exactly one goes about being a plant. Do you grow straight up? Sideways? Straight up then sideways? Which end of the bulb do you come out of? Top? Bottom? Both?
Apparently in the absence of a clear direction a variety of survival strategies were employed. Can't knock what works. There's no way the things should even be alive. Surely. It's just not normal. Natural. Right.
They scare me. That degree of persistence is both impressive and alarming. It's also intimidating when there are justifiable grounds for grudge holding.
I didn't mean to treat them badly. I swear! I meant to just leave them to die. I actually thought I'd succeeded in that, too.
When they first came into my life last year they were actual, well adjusted, identifiably tulip-looking tulips which excelled in the art of being tulips. They had been raised with light and water and dirt and all that other fancy stuff over-privileged first world plants take for granted. And then they met me.
Now I'm not a complete monster. I took very good care of them the whole time they were pretty. It wasn't until they stopped being pretty that I abandoned them to the basement to die.
And there they remained for three seasons, waiting for me to get around to throwing them away so that I could recycle the cheap plastic pots they'd come in.
And then the damn things went all Lazarus on me. Now stop just skimming this and really start reading because this is the important part where I redeem myself and look all heroic and stuff:
I paid money to buy dirt. Then I gave that dirt to a bunch of plants. Plants that aren't even pretty.
How's THAT for altruism?
Charity to the homely, baby. I'm all about that. Told you I was a good person.
1 hour ago