Sunday, March 25, 2012

I view my titles as a means of expressing my love for you, (insert reader's name here).

May all the bugs in your food turn out to be poppy seeds.

May you always pick the fastest cashier.

May your analogies always make sense and your anecdotes never ramble. 

May your dog always make it to the yard in time.

May your cell phone miss the toilet bowl completely, and land in the laundry hamper.

May you manage to suck that thing out from between your teeth before it's your turn to talk.

May nobody have seen you trip, nor your lame attempt to make it look like it was on purpose.

May you get distracted before you find the dance floor when you're really really drunk. 

May they accidentally delete those photos of you just before you really piss them off.

May you have new batteries on hand when the smoke alarm starts beeping.

May your kid ask the other parent where babies come from, and may that stain on their pants turn out to be chocolate.

May your bathroom scale be broken and reading five pounds too high.

May they credit your account, honor your expired coupons, and give you free upgrades.

And may there always be a cold beer in your fridge.

Namaste, my babies.

43 comments:

Tabor said...

Thanks and back at you!

Al Penwasser said...

Speaking of beer......

Mamma has spoken said...

may the toilet seat always be down and the floor around it dry....
Yes I live with too many men in one house......

Jenny Woolf said...

Great list! made me laugh. :D

Brian Miller said...

i will def take that blessing...and my how warm a title can you get? smiles.

Gaelyn said...

Thanks to all.

May your blog posts never get titles.

Kathy G said...

Awesome! Mind if I share (crediting you, OF COURSE)?

Nicky said...

Aw, this is so sweet. Thank you (insert author's name here). I don't know what I've done to deserve all of this. I mean, I know what I *haven't* done to deserve all this, but... well, thanks.

Secret Agent Woman said...

I needed the fastest cashier wish before my last post.

Saimi said...

I wish I read this months ago before my phone landed in the toilet! Thank heaven for rice, it saved my phone.

Hilary said...

It must be a fun place inside your mind. :)

TheFrogBag said...

Wishing the same to you! What a wonderful world it would be.

BamaTrav said...

May your farts never linger too long before someone walks into your office. xo

louciao said...

If you set this piece to sitar I think you could flog it as a prayer/chant to kundalini yoga studios the world over. Perhaps you could add "May you never have gas while doing the Downward Dog pose at yoga class."
Sat Nam, Namaste, Peace & Love, xo

The Lady's Lounge said...

I might have to add some of these to my daily affirmations...

My scale is broken.

My bank account has been credited.

There is a bottle of wine waiting for me at home.

Dianne said...

these are great!

good karma right back at ya :)

Deanna said...

Why couldn't I have read this BEFORE I went to the store and got the slowest cashier? Namaste!

injaynesworld said...

All good wishes indeed, and I thank you. May your cup continue to runneth over with clever, my always entertaining friend.

mythopolis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mo.stoneskin said...

There's never a cold beer in my fridge and I've never ever ever managed to pick the fastest cashier. Even the cashier who was the fasted up to the point where I was served turned out not to be. What can I do to actually pick the fastest?

River said...

The fastest cashier....that would be me.
Yes I'm bragging. And maybe exaggerating just a little, but most customers tell me "gee you're quick!"

Nezzy said...

What a wonderful post and right back attcha sister!!!

This was fun!

God bless ya and have yourself a blissful day sweetie!!! :o)

Always Home and Uncool said...

And TAG you're it. Visit my blog for the penalty: http://bit.ly/H3slzb

Rachel said...

I cannot even tell you which one is my favorite... I only wish all those things for you too!

Thank you for the laughs this morning...!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Amen to that!
Thanks, especially for that bathroom scale one.
xo jj

Shrinky said...

Amen to that, and for you too!

Buckeroomama said...

"May your kid ask the other parent where babies come from, and may that stain on their pants turn out to be chocolate."

Bwahaha! You come up with the best lists.

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

Hahaha I love this! Especially the phone in the toilet bowl one...it's happened to both me and my sister :s

Myrna R. said...

May all these good wishes return to you a thousand times.

Who would ever think of such valuable blessings.

Stephen Hayes said...

May you always pick the fastest cashier? This would be nice. I refuse to get in line if the cashier is pregnant because three times in my life they've gone into labor while I was standing in line.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

May...may..ummm, I can't think of a thing, but as soon as I get off here I'm sure something will pop into my pea brain!!
And thanks for stopping by! It's nice to meet you..I shall return!

Al Penwasser said...

May your farts always be blamed on the dog.

Pearl said...

Thanks! And the same to you!

Pearl

patty punker said...

wait, you're supposed to change the batteries in the fire alarm and not just yank it off the ceiling and smash it to pieces at 3:00 in the morning?

StarTraci said...

I love (and need) all of these sweet wishes but especially the short line at the grocery store. I ALWAYS choose wrong line. There can be twenty people in one line and two in the other and I join the short line, the twenty to my right will breeze through and I will still be standing in the "short" line. It's my curse.
:-)
Traci

Vicki Lane said...

May you never run out of lists to make!

Stephanie said...

I think I'd like this done in needlepoint, hanging on my wall...

Unknown Mami said...

This might be my favorite title ever and obviously crafted for me.

Nezzy said...

Heeheehhee!!! I love it...I have to tell ya sweetie this just made my day and then some!!!

Thanks for bein' you.

God bless ya and have a fantastic weekend!!! :O)

What I Did Today said...

Hahahahaha! Love this. Thanks for the positivity and laughs.

Scott said...

Thank you!

I love them all--most original!

Scott said...

Thank you!

I love them all--most original!

f1trey said...

hahaha cool.... big smile

About Me

My Photo
Alberta, Canada
Quality blog entertainments delivered in a convenient, electronic format, and widely read by the sexiest, most intelligent, and wittiest people on the internet - all of whom practice exemplary personal hygiene.