Tuesday, March 13, 2012

sdrawkcab eltit eht etirw uoy fi skrow ylno ti

SHH! The dog just ate bread. 

Now we wait.

Apparently I need complete silence to be superstitious.  I actually didn't know that about myself until just now.  Neither did I know I was superstitious until just now.  I had this zany notion that I was actually quite rational.  In retrospect, that was probably the least rational notion I ever held right there.

Nobody's rational.  Rational is not doable.  Our brains are pattern seekers, and that quest is inherently tied to a need for satisfaction. Needs are not rational. I cite 85% of the things you did in puberty as proof of that.

I need this to work, and I'm willing to be however irrational I need to be to make it work. Seriously. I'll play the lottery, buy firming lotions, and marry for love. Whatever it takes.

I need sleep. The dog gagged all night last night.  Not scary emergency vet gagging, but ate a blade of grass that wasn't ready to die and has plastered itself to the side of his throat like a masked, beret wearing, stripey shirted burglar gagging. I think maybe. 

That or he is sick. I'm not keen on that second option at all.

Don't worry! The internet will save us!  Maybe?  I dunno.  Something said to feed him bread. Yeah, okay.  It definitely won't kill him, so I fed him bread.

And he's been silent ever since.

And so have I.

Because somehow my brain has decided that if I never talk again, he will never cough again.  Because apparently at some point he coughed right after I'd spoken, and that was enough to convince Dr. Sciencey Proof Finder here that speaking causes dogs to cough. And that only bread can cure them. Or something.

Look, I don't see any logic lining up with ideas that might help me sleep through the night, so this is what we're going with.  Okay?

20 comments:

Gaelyn said...

Eat bread.

Brian Miller said...

and dont talk.

Brian Miller said...

will have to try those.

smiles.

Mark said...

Um, okay????
Does it make you nervous being you?
Just asking!
Your Friend, m.

haphazardlife said...

Are you me?

BamaTrav said...

The grass eating is done by cats and dogs as a way to induce vomiting to clean their gut out, but...I am sure you already knew that being a pet owner. XO

Dr Zibbs said...

The lottery? Nooo! Whenever I see people paying I'm so tempted to say, "You ain't gonna win."

PAPS said...

We all have our superstitions.
www.thoughtsofpaps.com

mythopolis said...

If its any consolation, I just finished mopping the entire house because my dog has bladder cancer. She can't hold it long enough to go outside, and so she goes the moment she feels the urge. Add to that, the pee is very bloody, so my house looks like a major crime scene. Other than that, she doesn't seem unhappy, hurting or stressed. So, I'm not quite ready to put her down. I have made arrangements with the vet though to do a home visit when the time comes, and have already dug a hole in the back yard. It kinda darkens the otherwise lovely spring weather here, but I'm ok with it - she's been a great pal for 14 years.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Shhhhhhh.
Hope the dog's better.
And you crack me up.
xo jj

mo.stoneskin said...

You and are are in a similar predicament. Your dog doesn't sleep because it eats grass and gags, my kids aren't sleeping because its fun to wake daddy. How about we do a swap?

Nicky said...

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*not talking either until you tell me it's okay*

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Nicky said...

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*not talking either until you tell me it's okay*

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Jenners said...

Anything to get a good night's sleep. (If you feed the dog chocolate, it will also be quiet … FOREVER!)

injaynesworld said...

"Needs are not rational. I cite 85% of the things you did in puberty as proof of that."

Why stop at puberty?

And now I can't stop thinking of that episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" where Larry David got a pubic hair caught in his throat and couldn't stop gagging.

Not that the situations are similar. Not at all.

Hilary said...

.em ot elbanosaer ytltcefrep sdnuoS

Mrs. Tuna said...

Nothing brings you to full alert from a dead sleep like the sound of dog getting ready to yak at 2 AM

carma said...

I sleep like crap too, yet I don't have a dog.

Secret Agent Woman said...

I sure hope that did the trick. (I said that in a whisper)

Nezzy said...

Girl, your absolutely a hoot and a half. I've used bread on me and my kiddos and have never tried the trick on a dog. Makes sense!!!

God bless and have a fantastic week sweetie!!! :o)

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