Saturday, February 5, 2011

Re-titled.

This week's excuses:

- I wasn't tall enough.

- I'm pretty sure that day was only 22 hours long.

- When you said "the fridge" you didn't specify "inside".

- I wasn't sure which toe.

- Beans. Or possibly an asteroid.

- They're actually serious about that whole "no pants, no service" thing.

- The Queen of England doesn't, so why should I?

- I had no idea you took me seriously, or reason to suspect anybody ever would.

- You couldn't move for clowns in there.

- I'm positive it used to be legal.

- I ran out of rollerskates.

- Didn't look flammable.

- You expect the dog to just go naked?

64 comments:

mythopolis said...

Too funny, once again. " I had no idea you took me seriously, or reason to suspect anybody ever would." hahaha....reminds me of a friend at a party who got off into a long rant while the rest of us looked on. Finally, he stopped and looked around at us, and said, "Isn't somebody going to tell me to shut up?!!!"

'Re-titled' calls for a sequel! I.E....don't shut up!

Rita said...

This is excellent fill-in-the-blanks writing. Love it! ;)

Hilary said...

I'm afraid to ask what they're excuses for. Do I want to know?

Eva Gallant said...

I have taken notes for the next time I need an excuse!

Audubon Ron said...

- Nope, when I was lying there I thought, my, the ceiling looks just like cottage cheese.

Brian Miller said...

can you explain the beans asteroid one...i hope its not what i think...

Saimi said...

HA! Too funny! I guess we all need a good excuse every now and then!

Donna @ The House on the Corner said...

I'm pretty sure I used a few of those myself this week.....especially the one about the Queen ;-)

linlah said...

I like to think of excuses as reasoning, you know let's talk it out I can't be that dumb.

Deborah said...

LOL ... I think I may used a couple of these myself, soo funny :o)

nick said...

They all sound reasonable enough to me. Some people just won't accept legitimate explanations. Though I must say I didn't notice the clowns myself. Maybe they arrived after I'd gone home. And they weren't beans, they were actually bite-size chunks of human finger.

Cathryn said...

"They're actually serious about that whole 'no pants, no service' thing" made laugh so hard, I nearly had an accident in mine! LOL Perfect excuses!

blueviolet said...

I'm doing life all wrong because I can't think of a thing I've ever done which would call up a need for those excuses. ;)

Diana said...

Wonderful excuses! I shall keep these in mind as I am sure they might come in handy in an emergency!
Love Di ♥

MAB Jewelry said...

Also, Everything is coated in two inches of ice.

And, I'm sorry, but I don't speak English.

BLOGitse said...

What a week you've had - again.
Your life must be very interesting......

Rob K said...

I can always use more excuses!

secret agent woman said...

Even a single clown would drive me away.

mind said...

haha well then

Kev D. said...

-Feels like a Wednesday.

Erika said...

I am pretty sure that every day is only 22 hours long. Totally remembering these for later use!

nursemyra said...

Oh it all used to be legal.....

The Blue Zoo said...

I love the one about the Queen! Im gonna use that one.

Dina @ 4 Lettre Words said...

These are great. LOVE the 2nd excuse.

Kurt said...

ytic fpqss indian sex xsiydy r id i tbk

Gaston Studio said...

Oh, I'm definitely going to borrow a couple of these from you for my upcoming week!

...louciao... said...

Never explain, never apologize...unless you have this handy list provided by Tatty Tiara!

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

What a monster - forcing nudity upon that poor, unsuspecting dog.

For shame.

Nicole said...

"Beans. Or possibly an asteroid." This is going into my standard excuse list.

And I've heard the flammable thing waaay too often. :)

Buckeroomama said...

Did J somehow manage to read your post before I did? I swear, he must have gotten some of the excuses he's been giving me from you. :)

injaynesworld said...

Damn, those are fine excuses.

Heather said...

too funny. could always use a good excuse! lol

Vicki Lane said...

I adore all of these. Making a note of...

pattypunker said...

now now, the queen doesn't wax her bikini line anymore because she stopped growing her carpet about 30years ago when she hit the mental pause. that's no excuse for you not to wax that thang, missy.

Deidre said...

I loved this!! Very funny.

And your cat! so cute.

jess said...

i wasn't tall enough = my excuse EVERY WEEK.

Indi said...

'I ran out of roller skates?' You rolled out of more like, they have little wheels honey ROFLMAO


Indi

xx

Mrs.Mayhem said...

I have a suggestion: throw these into a hat. Then whenever you need an excuse, just randomly pull one out.

No more wasting brain cells trying to come up with an excuse on the spot!

Deanna said...

Print screen. Done. They will all be used within the next week or so.

....Petty Witter said...

Yes, I've heard myself muttering several of these - especially 'the queen doesn't (carry money) so why should I' which gets used at least once a week.

Furry Bottoms said...

Hmmmm, what were you supposed to do? :)

Shrinky said...

Oh Tatty, I love, love, love how that quirky mind of yours works, you never disappoint! I think #1 is my fave, but it's a close call. How you always manage to consistently blog such original and utterly hysterically funny posts is nothing short of genius, me lady.

Just telling it like it is said...

"I wasn't sure which toe." Made me think of a freaky friend I have who loves toes...he was always trying to suck on my toes when we were in high school...Great friend hu?

Linda Medrano said...

Yeah, but whose baby is it anyway?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

HeeHee! I'm gonna have to use some of those this week myself;-)

Kernut the Blond said...

Fabulous! With my recent Match.com ad and upcoming dating experiences, I'm sure I'll be able to use several of these.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! :)

Lynn said...

Those are some funny excuses, and thanks for visiting my blog, I hope you are having a good day :o)

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I have SOO much shit to think about now! Time for a cocktail while I do that.

Jenners said...

You just crack me up, you know? Never stop ... and never put a real title. it wouldn't be right.

Mrsbear said...

I will stash these away in my mental pocket, you never know when they will come in handy.

Laoch of Chicago said...

: )

frigginloon said...

Oh dear god...clowns!!!!! How many?????

TheFrogBag said...

Haha! "I had no idea you took me seriously..." is my favorite by far. I do believe that one will come in handy if I swipe it for use in my own life! ;)

Rachel said...

"I wasn't tall enough"... well *I* use that excuse all the time!

And the beans/asteroid one made me snort. Unladylike.

Thanks :)

Kudos to the date that ate the 5-year old slobber snot cake!

ladyfi said...

Loved each and every one...

Nicky said...

Can I hire you?

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I ran out of roller skates too. That's on the list for next week. Get more roller skates.

Busy Bee Suz said...

NOW, I have heard it all. ;)

Captain Dumbass said...

I've used some of those, sometime in conjunction with one another.

Jocelyn said...

Half of these sound like my kids explaining why the milk went sour; the other half sound like the inside of my head.

What I Did Today said...

I am totally using the Queen of England (or any other place) from now on. For the rest of my life. Thanks you.

Antares Cryptos said...

LOL. I'm hoping I won't get the opportunity to use all of them at some point.

Left you a response to your comment.

Jean Knee said...

I'm using Kurt's excuse

The Absence of Alternatives said...

You said "THIS WEEK" that means this is a weekly feature??!! Ok, do you publish these in book forms? In the form of flashcards? A deck of playing cards? I am loving this so much I am waiting with cold hard cash!

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