Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Rhymes with title, only it starts with... oh never mind. I can't think of anything dirty that ends in itle.

12 Reasons Why I Would Make A Good Duck

  1. I am not water soluble.
  2. I can say "quack" in multiple languages.
  3. I have absolutely no problem with the required seasonal relocation to Florida.
  4. I have collected the necessary amount of twigs, grasses, and small sticks necessary to make a nest for all my eggs (although I will have to take them out of the carton first).
  5. I am not afraid to put my head underwater. Anymore. Much.
  6. I have the walk down cold. Ask anybody who's seen me after a shot of tequila.
  7. I have experience swallowing worms (see item #6).
  8. I'm delicious with orange sauce.
  9. My physique is well suited to bath toy design.
  10. Bread crumbs excite me.
  11. I've already learned not to swallow things with fish hooks in them (see item #7).
  12. I flap.
Based on these observations it is therefor logical to conclude that one of the following hypotheses must be true:

a) I was a duck in a former lifetime
b) My spirit/totem animal is a duck.
c) God is a duck, and we were all created in God's image.
d) I was raised by a herd of wild cartoon characters.

45 comments:

TheFrogBag said...

Haha! This is just exactly why I love your blog. But, I thought god was a beetle? The inordinate fondness for them and all that? Actually, a Duck God would make sense there too.... Hmm, I may have to rethink my entire philosophy...

injaynesworld said...

I pick "d". Definitely d. You were raised by a group of wild cartoon characters. It explains so much.

Joy said...

You flap!?!?! Amazing!! AND you can quack in multiple languages??? Definitely duck worthy!!!

Cathryn said...

I'd like to statistically analyze this myself...when I quit laughing and chortling!

Genevieve said...

definitely the cartoon characters, lol, I miss your posts!!

Eva Gallant said...

I think it's definitely D!

Kate said...

There is no dog...I mean, god. Duck...whatever.
I vote for the cartoon character thingy! Thanks for the chuckles.

Carrie Lynne said...

You had me at Tequila.

...louciao... said...

Lord love a duck! Well, that's just ducky. If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, is it necessarily a duck? Does anyone really give a flying duck?

You quack me up.

Cinner said...

Lord love a duck, I do a good Donald Duck inpersonation. glad to see things are just ducky with you. lol.
hugs...love your posts and your titles. smile.

Ashley said...

Why did you choose a duck? Is this your favorite animal?

blueviolet said...

The fact that this popped in your head as a complete and total blog post cracks me up!

Tabor said...

Unexpected and charming. Here, have some stale bread.

mythopolis said...

Too funny! And it makes me very hungry. Makes me want a dinner date. Would someone pass me the orange sauce, and another shot of tequila?!

nick said...

But who would want to be a duck? All they do is paddle around and eat crumbs (if anyone bothers to throw them). Though if God is a duck, that would explain why ducks have such an easy life while humans have to go to work every day.

Brian Miller said...

i was raised by a herd of cartoon characters....just saying...lol. too funny.

Pamela said...

LOL Such a great post!!!

Maybe you will be a duck in a future life and you are getting prepared for it!!

BLOGitse said...

LOL!
But what is this "Bread crumbs excite me"?
How? What happens? I want to know!

Myrna R. said...

I saw a movie once that proclaimed God was a hamburger. In meditation today I saw your truth. We can't possibly eat God, so s/he must be a duck.

Super Happy Girl said...

[What did I just read?]

Awesome. Goooo Ducks!!

Tiffany said...

I particularly enjoyed #9. Were you looking at me when you wrote it?

carma said...

sounds like somebody needs to do a little past life regression. Well done on the being able to put your head under water. I never ever do that as it freaks me out!!!!

haphazardlife said...

e) you are insane.

Insane is good. Especially with orange sauce.

linlah said...

Lucky duck being raised by cartoon characters. I will come back as a soaring bird in my next life, which by the way only 9% of Americans believe really happens. Sorry sorts.

Shrinky said...

Mehhh, I've come in too late to get in on the puns (pout). This post is a perfect example of why I adore you - you're quacking, unapologetically funny, and totally nuts! Brilliant piece, thanks for the belly laughs.

Courtney said...

Love #6 {SNICKER}

nursemyra said...

Brown breadcrumbs or white? And I love what Tabor said

ladyfi said...

Hilarious! Being a duck is underrated, isn't it? I could definitely go with the relocation to a warm place!

Audubon Ron said...

I believe you.

Rosidah Abidin said...

LOL. Your humor never fails me. Please, teach me to say quack in multiple languages. Have a wonderful weekend.

janet said...

It is 6:30 am on a Sat morning..and still dark and cold outside. I am laughing and spilling my coffee over this post. Thanks so much for visiting my little blog. I don't know who you are , but you are cracking me up!

;-) = happy follower

Your new friend,
Janet xox

hugs to the gorgeous cat!

Dawn in Austin said...

Funny!

I would make a good dog. You know, a spoiled one like the two I have. The two who do nothing to earn their keep around here.

Thanks for stopping by my little blog.

Rita said...

You just crack me up!!

If God is a duck, does that mean hunters are out there trying to shoot God every fall? ROFL!! :):)

Eddie Bluelights said...

Quack Quack!
Being a duck is great!
Yer can fly
Yer can swim
Yer can walk

LOL - loved the post ~ Eddie

Main blog
Clouds and Sivery Linings

http://eddybluelights.blogspot.com/

Happy New Year

pattypunker said...

oh hell yeah i can migrate to florida or anyplace warm and sunny in the winter. cold, snow and grey skies can bite me.

Marla said...

Brilliant deduction! Love it.

secret agent woman said...

All four of those things could be true.

rachelslessonslearned said...

OMG I havent laughed so hard all week.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

You were raised by cartoon characters? Geez - my parents are completely boring by comparison.

What's the French word for quack, anyway?

Unknown Mami said...

What if God was just a duck?
Just a bird that likes to quack...

Mrs.Mayhem said...

Bread crumbs excite you?! That's awesome!

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I agree with the other commenters, it's #4. Now you just need to figure out which cartoon duck...

InspiredDreamer said...

Hey there, came by from Unknown Mami and have decided that you are my new girl crush. Love it!

Have an Extraordinary Day!

Midnight Cowgirl said...

lol!

Aunt of 14 said...

I have a ducky physique too! Is there a club?

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