Monday, February 8, 2010

Sure, the first self referential title's cute, so you keep it. Then the next thing you know you've got self referential titles all over the place.

I have always wanted a pet ostrich. Well, two pet ostriches. If I only got one the thing might get all needy and weird. That's just not the kind of relationship I'm looking to have with the ostrich in my life.

I'm a very firm believer in responsible, informed pet ownership. This is why it is so very important for me to learn something, anything about ostriches other than the fact that it's a giant bird you can ride (cool!). Especially since I've heard something to the effect of their being able to disembowel a person with a single kick. This in turn is why I absolutely intend to at least read some sort of Your First Ostrich primer before welcoming an ostrich into my family. Also I should probably move out of the trailer park first.

Now I can appreciate how my general lack of ostrich knowledge and preparedness might make it seem as though I'm not truly serious about ostrich ownership, but I am! I am a registered forum member on ostrich.com. How much more credibility can a person have than that? Granted I've never posted there yet. Not actually having an ostrich I'd worry that I might come across as the giant bird enthusiast equivalent of someone who has three dozen kitty cat sweaters and lives in a pet free building. In truth my involvement with the site so far has consisted entirely of deleting regular e-mails informing me that there's a big sale on feathers.

A lot of the information on the site will become a lot more interesting to me once I do have an actual ostrich or two kicking around I'm sure, though. Once I'm that far along in my goal achievement I assume I'll just very naturally develop a keen interest in knowing what variety of dried earthworms are tastiest, and how best to fumigate birds that can disembowel you with a single kick. I know I'll definitely be interested to learn the proper mounting technique for giant birds you can ride (cool!).

One thing I have learned already is that I definitely want both of my ostriches to be the same kind of ostriches. In the process of attempting to sell me an ostrich the site has proudly informed me that ostriches can lay between 80 - 100 eggs per year. That would grossly exceed my requirements for ostrich companionship. I am at least reassured to see that they do ask if you already have a book about ostriches right on the ostrich ordering form (of course you can buy ostriches on-line. What greater purpose a technologically advanced society than convenience of ostrich procurement, after all?). Whether they refuse to sell to people who don't have the Your First Ostrich primer or whether they include that with the order I don't know, but the very fact that they check does seem to indicate a reasonable level of seller responsibility. Seller responsibility is an important thing. Again - 80 to 100 eggs. 225 pound birds. I really, really, really need to be able to trust that if they say they sent two boys, they sent two boys.

Meanwhile, I just checked the Alberta Agriculture website's classified section. Someone up in Rocky Mountain House is selling a yakalo. Hm. Maybe there is something cooler than a bird you can ride after all.

No. Nonono. I definitely don't need a yakalo. Stick to the plan, babe.

(cool!)

49 comments:

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

What would you name these ostriches?

tattytiara said...

Secretariat and Man O' War!

Keith said...

I think birds you could ride would be far more fun than any yakolo!

But what about an Emu? :)

Chrisy said...

yes the proper mounting technique is always important....

Karl said...

Yakolo? I have to Google that now, thanks.

And if you get ostriches, I totally want a ride.

@eloh said...

One word.... Omelets!

injaynesworld said...

Ostriches used to be a very big thing here in the Santa Ynez Valley. Everyone was going to get rich off them. Now there is only one big ostrich farm left. It's mainly a tourist attraction. I've never seen anyone try to ride one and, frankly, they are ill-tempered beasts. So unless you're looking to make one big honkin' omelet, I'd rethink the whole idea.

Conquer The Monkey said...

nice, I love an exotic pet. :)

e said...

You want two mean-tempered pets that can disembowel with one kick???

I'd stick with the hound that eats your socks, at least he's friendly...

Are you revising a piece of writing? Noticed the tweets on your blog...I'm always interested to meet other writers.

Cheers!

mo.stoneskin said...

The problem with having two ostriches is that you may end up feeling left out, ostracised even...

*bloody hell, I'm a quick-witted monkey, let's face it*

nick said...

I think you'd best be very well informed about ostrich minutiae before you actually get one. If they're capable of producing 80 to 100 little nippers just like that, and they can disembowel you etc, who knows what else they can do? Kick off your head? Demolish your trailer with a single snort?

All I know about ostriches is that they never in fact bury their heads in sand, they only lay them on the ground to hide from predators.

secret agent woman said...

Male and female ostriches clearly look different, so that wouldn't be an issue. But I think you would need space for them to run. I saw some on the Serengeti - they like to roam. And can you eat ostrich eggs? Make giant eggs over easy with them? I don't think they are actually very friendly birds, though.

Tabor said...

I remember when a friend of mine worked for USDA in the Alternative Farming Center, they got a lot of requests about the economics of raising ostriches. I have two gold fish and even they are a hassle to take care when we travel.

Nessa said...

You can ride Llama. They are cool. They don't lay eggs. And they don't kick.

Dismal

My name is PJ. said...

You have proven yourself worthy to be the standard for responsible pet ownership, young lady! You did neglect to consider that you might be able to sell those eggs to ostrich farms and use the money to give Secretariat and Man O War the best lives ever!

Where did you get the pot you smoked? I'm thinking there may be a market for that as well..... :)

BLOGitse said...

How about camels?
You would be really high! :)

BLOGitse

Secretia said...

You are the first person I ever knew who wanted an ostrich. I know someone who has a donkey and lives in a big city, they are really pet committed, and the neighbors are in constant wonder, but they love that donkey.

Secretia

blueviolet said...

I can just picture you riding your ostriches around while being chased by fellows in white jackets. ;)

Gaston Studio said...

I'm still laughing at mo.Stoneskin's comment! Well, I think it's very responsible of you to research ostriches before purchasing one and I definitely agree you should move out of the trailer park first.

Brian Miller said...

wow. i always wanted a pet monkey, but an ostitch would be really cool. think of the money you could save on gas...

Andrea said...

I am going to have to research the yakalo!

Where the Fur Flies said...

Personally, I prefer llamas. I've been trying to figure out how to fit a Llama in my 25 square foot back yard without Agriculture Alberta figuring it out for a while now.

Cathryn said...

Llamas spit green nasty gobs of goo on you when they are pissed.

Well my friend--how can I NOT like you?!?!?! You write extremely well, you are a responsible pet owner--going to the lengths of joining an ostrich forum to learn about these birds, and finding a reputable place that sells the birds! Even when faced with the idea of a bunch of ostrich eggs and later the pitter-patter of ostrich feet following you, you recognize that you don't want more birds than you can handle!

LOL--Thanks for the cheerful morning! Great post! Thanks!

Brndoutw8ress said...

what the hell is a yakalo? About the ostrich thing, I saw an episode of Dirty Jobs and Mike was learning how to rangle those beasts. They are no joke. Seriously in order to be able to ride one of those you'd have to give it some valium first. The ranglers have to put tiny little ostrich hoods on them to blind them and hope that they don't get slashed by those blade like toes in the process. Really think twice about getting these birds. Plus who needs a gigantic omelette anyways?

Nikki said...

that is so cool! I've never heard of anyone having an ostrich as a pet before. I bet they are very nice once they get to know you:) Good Luck with it!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

i like ostriches. What about camels?
Betty x

Paul said...

Ostrich seems like they can be good guard animals. So intimidating.

Unknown Mami said...

Damn, just last weekend I saw "The Complete Idiots Guide to Owning an Ostrich" at a yard sale for .25 cents. Had I known you were in the market I would have gladly picked it up. Bummer.

linlah said...

How about a yakaloo and one ostrich then you could take turns riding them.

JenJen said...

Mo is one funny chap ( I think they say that in Britland)
and? I have no idea what the hell yakulolo or whatever the hell you called it is.
Ostriches sorta creep me out.

f1trey said...

Oh my heavenly lord..... I cant keep the goldfish alive........

HalfAsstic.com said...

Oh, honey! Your plan is flawless. Truly without any cracks. Can't wait to see pictures of your ostriches.
Still I gotta wonder... What the hell is a yakalo?

Serenityville said...

On a scale of 1-180, how serious are you? Sounds AWESOME and CRAZY.

Buckeroomama said...

You do come up with the most entertaining posts! Ostriches, seriously?

I was traumatized by an emu that kept following me around when I was at this zoo in Brisbane. I tend to see emus and ostriches as one and the same!

LadyFi said...

What's a yakalo? Perhaps two giant yucca palms would be nice?

If you did get the wrong birds and one started laying eggs, just think of all the omelettes you could make!

Michelle said...

I love ostriches! I imagine have them as pets would be very cool :)

Alicia said...

That would be alot of ostriches!!!! LOL

Tracie said...

My kids have been whining about getting a dog. Maybe an ostrich would keep them in line. It could eliminate the need for a babysitter. Then Disney will licesnse our story for a series.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Oh, my goodness, you are FUNNY! Actually, I used to work at Universal Studios in Orlando, FL. One of my coworkers also did Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede and actually RODE AND OSTRICH in it!! She was not a fan, and talked about how stupid they were. I thought she was cruel, I think they are gorgeous (and apparently powerful!) creatures! Good luck with your quest!

Ironically, I've always wanted to start alpaca farm. You inspire me to look into it!!

Thanks for dropping by my blog. I'm DEFINITELY following you now!! Thanks again for the smile!

Susan said...

Convenient online ostrich ordering...I love our world :) I say get one while you are in the trailer park. Your neighbors will love those giant omelettes you make everyday ;) Oh, and you can ride them? Man, I might want one now!

Robin said...

mmmm ... where would it sleep..? and it might need special attention after all it is...a bird that cant fly...it might require some ostrich counseling or it may need a support group too..have you thought about that..!

buffalodick said...

The only thing I know about ostriches, is that they taste pretty good, and art work can be made from their eggs after emptied..

cabin + cub said...

An ostrich would be good... you would also need to get a saddle though , in order to really utilize your pet.
Maybe even a saddle with side bags, so you can carry things like groceries. Its the new green transportation!

CherylK said...

I have eaten duck eggs, goose eggs, chicken eggs and fish eggs but never ostrich eggs. I'm not sure about raising them...the mere thought of the possibility of being disemboweled is disturbing.

Doing a little more research is a wise decision :-). I tend to agree with Nessa...think about a llama or two.

LutherLiz said...

Hmmm, maybe you should start small with an emu?

BONNIE K said...

Thanks for stopping by! Now you have me curious as to how much an ostrich costs. I will say that my neighbor has had peacocks since we moved in, 21 years ago. They get very noisy in the spring.

The Quintessential Magpie said...

While I don't think you can ride them, Emus are large birds and might have a better disposition, thus leaving your bowels in place! ;-)

Would you really ride them???

XO,

Sheila :-)

TheFrogBag said...

As to question of emus vs. ostriches: I have a good friend who was working at an animal rescue when she was mugged by a horde of emus. They pecked her silly, stole her plate of cookies, and then kicked her for good measure. So I'm not sure if they are really better tempered. But then again, an ostrich is really just a medium-sized dinosaur. And who wants a well-mannered dinosaur?

The Zadge said...

Pet Ostriches?! Wow!!! Is this a Canadian thing - I've never heard of it in the U.S.!!!

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