Friday, February 12, 2010

How hard can it be to write a proper title anyway?

I've often heard it suggested that people should have to pass an IQ test before being allowed to have kids. Interestingly enough, though, I've never heard of anybody voluntarily testing themselves or their co-procreators before proceeding with their own seeding. Of course there's a good reason for this. We take our ability to diagnose stupidity in others to be conclusive evidence that we are not suffering from it ourselves. Presumably people who actually are stupid never question anybody else's intelligence. That being the case, it sure makes people calling for IQ tests look stupid. Why go to all that trouble?

"Hey Bob, who do you know that's stupid?"

"Who do I know that's stupid? Geez. Can't think of anybody."

"Bob?"

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot."

Settled.

It' s not like these conclusions are reached without a reasoning process, though. It's not a conscious one, but it's there. Obviously you can't be stupid if you're capable of the same level of reasoning as smart people are. Your friends are obviously smart people because they agree with all of the same conclusions you arrive at, and you only arrive at the conclusions that make the most sense. To you. Who think them up. Look, let's not lose focus here - the point is that if you were stupid you'd be driving, voting, and rearing children like those people your friends make fun of, and you're not, are you? No, you're doing the opposite. So there you go! No further testing required.

When I was a kid it really used to bother me how water would run off of peoples' chins when they came out of the swimming pool. I was always so embarrassed for them, and so grateful that water didn't run off my chin like that.

Of course it did! It's a good thing I didn't find that out that back then, though. I'd have probably drowned in the shower trying to make my chin the highest point on my head the very next day. Yeah, it bothered me that much. I guess we just assume that we're innocent of the things that bother us so much in other people because it seems logical that we'd be more accepting of traits we have in common. Or perhaps just that we'd be more self aware than that. Doesn't really matter which, seeing as how both assumptions can generally be completely disproven just by standing naked in front of a mirror for about ten seconds anyway.

Tell you what, I'm just going to concede right now. Everyone else is way smarter than I am. They can make the next generation. I'll just find some other way to spend my time and money. I'm sure there's a beach in the tropics somewhere that the cost of living for one independent adult would run roughly the same amount that it would take to raise a few children.

Yes. That would be an excellent place for us stupid people. I can be packed and ready to go in an hour. Great idea, smart people!

Send my love to the kids!

49 comments:

Brian Miller said...

i think that is we had to pass an IQ test to have children we would ie off as a race pretty quick...you got to be lightly crazy to have them...and by the time they move out you definitely are. lol.

Berowne said...

I really enjoyed your post on kids. Coincidentally, so is my current post -- on Shakespeare's children. Drop by and have a look; I think you'd find it interesting.

otin said...

In my experience, I have found that stupid people are the ones who do not know that they are stupid, and the truly intelligent people always doubt their intelligence. It takes a smart person to admit their flaws!

secret agent woman said...

I notice a lot of things, but water running off people's chins when they come up out of the water isn't one of them! I probably will now, though.

Eva Gallant said...

Tatty, you always crack me up! I'm just too stupid to say anything more!

Cathryn said...

There's that old saying--If you are pointing a finger at someone, there's three more pointing back at you!

Great post to remind us of that adage!

thesunnyabyss said...

Hey you, I just wanted to add, some of us do have to be tested to see if we are proper parent material, although we passed so it can't be that hard of a test, lol, I very much agree with Otin,although perhaps ignorance is bliss, have a good weekend!

e said...

Some people don't think at all before having children, and though they might pass an IQ test, they may not be suited by personality or temperament to the rigors of parenting...

Really stupid people never think of this before inflicting themselves on children, and spreading all sorts of dysfunction.

Raelene said...

Very well written....and not stupid at all :D

buffalodick said...

People with a half a brain wouldn't have kids in the first place! I had two..could have had a condo in Aruba for what it cost me to raise them and send them to college!

nick said...

Lots of people are smarter than me, but smartness doesn't necessarily include common sense. Doesn't stop me wanting to be smarter though. Then I could follow all those complicated plots in books and films without getting totally lost and wondering exactly how A could have murdered B when she was snogging C at the time.

Nessa said...

You are wise to spend your money on yourself and have fun.

Purdie Pyrate

Robin said...

There are many kinds of smart..theres clever , street smart, intelligent, common sense, emotional intelligence, genius and the like....everybody fits into one or another and at different times I think...unless you have a very low IQ and fall below the norm you can be "smart"...but dont forget very supposedly smart people make very bad choices and decisions..so the real question is who uses their intelligence and for what purpose..?

Krimmyk said...

Kids are expansive that is for sure. We thought about it for 6 years before we decided to bring a child into the world. The weatherman and I are both very hard on ourselves tho, always questioning if we are doing the right thing, the smart thing. Some times I want to say the heck with it all. I'll meet you on the island.

Unknown Mami said...

I guess I'm lucky because I don't know any stupid people. Oh, wait!

Jazz said...

I was intelligent enough to know that I was too stupid to have kids. Which makes me what??

♥ Braja said...

I'll be seeing you on that beach....which I'm assuming would be thankfully child free....

dogimo said...

Oddly enough, I've never taken an IQ test.

But that's OK, I haven't got any kids!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

I beg to differ -- I'm pretty dumb. You're probably at LEAST smarter than ME!!

Thanks for the smile, have a great week!

carma said...

Now, we "smart people" are not gonna let you off THAT easy ;-)

My name is PJ. said...

Mama always said, "Stupid is as stupid does." Oh, wait a minute...I think that was Forrest Gump's mother.

You're delightfully twisted and that's why I enjoy coming here every day..

Sarah P said...

A few weeks ago, a family member updated her facebook status to read, "I'm so grateful for all the stupid people out there. Makes me feel smarter!"
This from someone who sent photocards of her son at one year old with this note: "Hi I'm (name). I am walking and I love hot dog (sic) and grill (sic) cheese."
Then, I started wondering about the stupid things I've done and whether it's proof of my stupidity ... anyway, your post speaks to me.

Terrace Crawford said...

@Brian - agreed.

@Otin - SO TRUE. ha.

--Terrace Crawford
www.terracecrawford.com
www.twitter.com/terracecrawford

Skye said...

Oh my, yes, people should have to take an IQ test before procreating! Each generation seems to be coming out a little dumber than the one before, and my kids are no exception to that!

The Blue Zoo said...

I love stupid people. Without them what would we blog about?? lol Just kidding. Kinda.

Jason, as himself said...

Huh? I don't get it.

:)

TheFrogBag said...

I don't know anything about raising kids, but considering the amount of money we've spent on our "free" dog, I think we could have gone on a 3 week safari by now! I would ask if your island accepts pets, but I don't think I can afford to go anymore...

Sara said...

There's a quote from Parenthood that I like. It's something like, "You need a license to fish, but they'll let any asshole be a father."

I wish I could be the judge of who is dumb and who is not, even though I am one of the biggest morons in the world.

Oh, hypocrisy. Nice to see you again, old friend.

Kimberly said...

I used to swim a lot, and seeing the water run off the chin was not one of the things that bothered me. It was the men with hair on their backs swishing from one side to the other. (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little)I was a lifeguard for years, and could not wait to get out of my chair when I saw a man with a hairy back coming my way. I would also hope to myself *please don't drown, please don't drown, please don't drown*

LadyFi said...

Hilarious!

Just because you're smart doesn't make you a wonderful person...

blueviolet said...

I can't believe you didn't think water ran off of your chin! LOL

Supergreensunbear said...

Nice post. I believe that everyone is both 'clever' and 'stupid', it all just depends on the environment we find ourselves in at the time. My goldfish outsmart me a lot of the time but then I turn on the local political shows and I worry I'm probably smarter than those running the place :(

Rebecca said...

You know, smart people are the ones who need to procreate to catch up to "the others."

Mama Wheaton said...

Even though I have kids, I'd leave them for a tropical island, but wait I just spent all my spare change on wrestling gear, fees and tournaments. I guess the islands will have to wait but you go and tell me all about it.

Debbie said...

A wonderful idea! I wish I had thought of that about 4 kids ago:)

JennyMac said...

If I didnt come across the occasional stupid person, I would be short a few blog posts. LOL.

The Quintessential Magpie said...

LOL! Sooooo true!

And best line of the day: "Interestingly enough, though, I've never heard of anybody voluntarily testing themselves or their co-procreators before proceeding with their own seeding."

I'll join you on that beach!

See you when I have my computer again...

XO,

Sheila :-)

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Well--people can be smart and yet do stupid things. I know of some very 'smart' people --who seem to have the worst children in the world, simply because of the way they stupidly are raising their kids....

Can you take classes to be a good parent?? Yes--of course. BUT--it's not how smart you are I don't think. It's the decisions and choices and boundaries you make as a parent. Much of that comes from the upbringing you had yourself...

DEEP post --for those who want to make it such. Most of us smart people just do the best we can in the moment.

Hugs,
Betsy

Grand Pooba said...

I wanna be stupid.

dawn said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog...
returning the favor and enjoying every word of it!

Ummm, I'm not stupid, but I do have 6 kids and sometimes I wish I had thought it through a little more.
For the price of 3 kids college tuition I could be living the high life in the deep south... of FRANCE!
But then I wouldn't have the pleasure of trying to raise the next generation of productive, thinking adults who will one day be responsible for our country and ME!
Stupid, maybe stupidly optimistic is more apt, but only as much as all the other people who believe they are trying to make the world a better place, one child at a time.
But a house in the South of France would be a lot more fun!

Gucci Mama said...

Brilliant.

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to swim again. I'll be focusing on my chin the whole time now! :D

Buckeroomama said...

I always love your take on things! LOL!!

blognut said...

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the least bit stupid until AFTER I had the kids.

Go! Save yourself! Run for the beaches.

HalfAsstic.com said...

1. I am BRILLIANT because I read YOU.
2. That place actually exists. I am sure of it. And as soon as I find out where it is I will tell you and I will see you on the beach there!

Kate said...

I often say that I carried my two kids for a friend - they are both clever, funny likeable human beings - could they really have got that from me?

♥ Braja said...

reminded me of these two:

http://joyceanddorothy.blogspot.com/

mythopolis said...

that's some heavy sh.t. I am too busy being personal and seeking personal fulfillment as to entertain the impersonal fact that the world is going down in flames. Excuse me, but I am too sexy for my clothes, my car, my dog, my can-opener, and all that stuff. I am about self enhancement, improvement, being one with what ever it is to be bothered with what is going on outside me. Narcissism is where it is at. Don't you socially conscious hippies get it? : )

mythopolis said...

that's some heavy sh.t. I am too busy being personal and seeking personal fulfillment as to entertain the impersonal fact that the world is going down in flames. Excuse me, but I am too sexy for my clothes, my car, my dog, my can-opener, and all that stuff. I am about self enhancement, improvement, being one with what ever it is to be bothered with what is going on outside me. Narcissism is where it is at. Don't you socially conscious hippies get it? : )

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