Thursday, February 4, 2010

Never write titles when, um, the thing is... wait what? No! I mean never write titles when you're high. I think?

I used to think it was ridiculous for people to get uptight about going to the dentist. Never bothered me, and I'd had all kinds of work done. Sure it's a bit uncomfortable having the ice pick they use to administer freezing hammered into the roof of your mouth, but once they're done that you just relax, let them do what they gotta do, and enjoy taking a nice little break from having to swallow your own spit all the time.

And then I aged out of the children's dentist and had to go to the grown ups' dentist. Things were different there. Well, one thing was different. That one thing changed everything, though.

The grown ups' dentist didn't give me the happy nose. I'd never actually known what the happy nose was. I knew that I must have looked very silly with that big rubber thing on my face, and I was a very self-conscious child as a rule. For some strange reason, though, I didn't mind the happy nose. I didn't mind the happy nose at all. It was heavy, it made me look funny, and it smelled strange, but I had absolutely no problem with the happy nose. No. Happy nose was fine. I was good with the happy nose.

I sure figured out what it was for in a hurry when it wasn't there anymore.

What gives? Why should kids get all the good drugs? Isn't it enough that they get all the best presents at Christmas, the piece of cake with the flower on it at birthday parties, free room and board and two months off every summer so that they can, shall we assume, work on their novels, renovate the kitchen, and attend to all of the other urgent priorities they have over getting an education so that they can start supporting themselves? They have all that and they have to hog the happy noses too?

Well frankly that is just plain ungracious. There. I've said it.

So it turns out I'm not as blissfully mellow about hearing the music of heavy industry emanating from my teeth as I'd thought. Evidently I simply lack the self awareness necessary to know when I'm completely stoned. Couple that with the fact that my grown ups' dentist doesn't have the decency to let me pick out a toy no matter how well I behave myself, and no. I do not like going to the dentist at all anymore. But get this - I saved the biggest injustice for last.

Apparently when these teeth fall out, I don't get to grow a new set. Unlike some sugar crunching, toy hoarding individuals I know. So it's not like I really have a choice, now is it?

45 comments:

HalfAsstic.com said...

OH GAWD, Honey, get thyself to a certified dentist that will give you drugs! I have never been to a dentist that won't give my nitrous oxide before. Tell them they have to OR ELSE!
You can bite, you know... ;-)

blognut said...

I forgot all about the happy nose! That is something that should never have gone away. If it is good enough for the children, it's good enough the grown-ups, too!

Fragrant Liar said...

I never got a happy nose. This only goes to my deep-seated belief that anyone with a drill in my mouth deserves to be bitten by the hand that's feeding it all that money.

nick said...

I never got the pampered kid experience as I didn't have a filling till my late teens. I'd certainly need a powerful anaesthetic if I was using a private dentist, the fees are extremely painful. Thank God we still have NHS dentistry, and two fillings cost £13.60.

Probably the reason for the fillings was having sneaked too many of those bits of cake with the flower on.

linlah said...

I never got a happy nose and I spent a bazillion years in the dentist chair. And you're right teeth should grow back no matter how old you get.

Robin said...

I never got the happy nose either, nor do I want to I fear that stuff..like a bad trip on pot..yes I had one or two of those..I know who has a bad trip on pot..?MWHA..thats who.. so I just like my novacane..but I also fear the dentist so I go as little as possible..and floss 3 x a day..!Have great day..PS I know its too bad we cant grow a third set of teeth..!

secret agent woman said...

They didn't have a happy nose at my dentist when I was a kid. Just painful, painful injections and then the crazy drilling. So my grown-up dentist is an improvement, although he hit a nerve last time and refused to admit he'd done anything differently. Maybe I need to find one who uses nitrous.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

I never got the happy nose either! But, when I was in my twenties and was having my wisdom teeth pulled, I got that morphine drip IV. It...was...AWESOME!!!

When I returned the next week for my follow-up appointment, I told the dentist, "I want that EVERY time, when I get fillings, x-rays, cleanings, EVERYTHING!!" He said that was out of the question. I never liked that bastard.

Thanks for the laugh this morning! I needed that!

nick said...

Wouldn't it be good if governments could stop spending (our) money on space probes and nuclear missiles and work out how we can all grow new teeth instead?

Cathryn said...

I'm glad I didn't get no happy nose. I would have freaked out and had to be restrained. Looks like I still might have to be restrained!

Gaston Studio said...

Ooooooh, you made me cringe while reading this... have a tremendous dislike of all dentists, with or without good drugs.

Eva Gallant said...

That was too funny! I never got the happy nose. When I was 12, I had a tooth extracted and complained all the while that it was hurting. The dentist implied that I was a baby and a wimp. After the tooth was extracted, he discovered it had a large abscess on the root. "Oh, well, the novacaine doesn't take when there's an abscess," he remarked. Needless to say, I hate dentists to this day!!!

SmartBear said...

The happy nose is very nice. My new dentist does not use it, but I get to use headphones and crank up the music REALLY loud to drown out all the drilling and screeching (and my own screaming!)
Thanks for visiting my blog....Stop by again!

Picture Imperfect said...

LOL... the happy nose. :o) I NEVER got drugs at the dentist when I was a kid!

I have spent so many hours in the dentist chair over the span of my life - probably more than I've spent doing most of the things I actually enjoy.

These days, it's not so bad. I am afraid (because of a prior bad experience that I will NOT relate here, you're welcome) but am able to calm myself pretty well. My dentist is HOT! Like we're talking wet dream material HOT HOT HOTTIE!

Funny dentist story: I was sitting in the chair waiting for the freezing to take effect. I could hear the lady in the next room literally freaking out. She was almost screaming and then I heard the frustrated dentist say "I haven't even *touched* you yet!"

hehe at least I'm not the biggest wuss around. ;o)

Nessa said...

I've never had happy nose (from the dentist anyway) but I've heard good things about it.

Flash 55 - Buried Secrets

Jennifer said...

I have mr happy in my room each night.

Tracie said...

When I was a kid (in the stone ages) they didn't give you Happy Nose. You took it like an adult or they held you down and made you.

Unknown Mami said...

I hate the dentist! I had to have 4 root canals in 2 years. I will never like the dentist again. And they even gave me the happy nose once, but I still wasn't happy.

Jazz said...

I went to the dentist yesterday. Had to get a filling re-done.

Terror just about covers it.

When I left I was shaking so I could hardly sign the credit card slip.

God I hate dentists.

Nezzy said...

I never got the happy nose as a youngen' or an adult. Sometimes life just isn't fair. Shoot~take~it!!!

Ya'll have a fabulously blessed weekend!!!

injaynesworld said...

Happy noses? Damn! Another thing I didn't get as a child.

Sarah P said...

On point, dude.

Grown-ups get the shaft.

f1trey said...

....big smile!

Grand Pooba said...

My dentist offers the "gas" now. I'm totally taking advantage of it next time.

The Quintessential Magpie said...

LOL! I never got the happy nose, except one time... and I freaked out! LOL! Other than that one time, it was always novacaine (sp) city for moi. I don't like to go to the dentist and wince a lot if they're doing something I don't like, but fortunately, novacaine has always worked like a charm for me. The dentist who used the rubber nose on me told me never to let them do that again that I had a bad reaction. I guess crying and freaking out was. ;-)

XO,

Sheila

gayle said...

I want a happy nose!!

Susan said...

LOL!

BLOGitse said...

I want happy nose! Never had!
My next appointment is on Wednesday. It's about 20 km drive.
I'm in about 30 mins but the whole happening lasts 4 hours because of the traffic! Makes me nuts.

Kat @ www.TodaysCliche.com said...

Just loved this post... coming from SITS. Random, but are you going to Bloggy Boot Camp in Baltimore?

Secretia said...

The dental pain, the financial responsibility, and the inconvenience, but the relief to have it over. That's dentistry for me as an adult. The expense is murder.

Secretia

My name is PJ. said...

Mwahahahahaha!

Kerri said...

I HATE going to the densist!!

Thank you so much for visiting my blog! I appreciate your kind comments and was very honored to be one of Hil's POTW :)

Krimmyk said...

Why did everyone but me have a ped dentist? I mean really. I have a GF who has to be sedated before she even gets to the chair. Trust me they are more then happy to accommodate!

Ron said...

OMG...HAPPY NOSE.

How funny!

I've never heard of it referred to that way.

That stuff use to flip me out.

I hated the smell and it would actually make me hallucinate.

Melissa B. said...

PreCISEly why I don't mind going to the dentist anymore...

Tricia McWhorter said...

I never got a happy ANYTHING at the dentist.

BTW thanks for stopping by my blog!

Michelle said...

the dentist - always brings out the best in people... ha

Hey Harriet said...

This was such a great post. Thanks a bunch for the laughs!

Lady Fi said...

You hit a nerve! (pun intended)

I hate the dentist!

Buckeroomama said...

We never got a happy nose at our dentist when I was a younger... instead each trip to the dentist would be followed by a trip to either the pet store (for goldfish!) or to the stationery shop (for stickers!). Now, with my kids, for the outrageous amount we pay for just a 15-minute visit, they get to pick a toy from a toy chest --usually just some dollar store item.

Helen said...

I don't mind the dentist, the chair is comfy and the dentist threatens to kill me periodically, it's awesome!

buffalodick said...

I had a root canal recently, and they gassed me for the first time in years..Like a beer buzz, with no hang over!

cabin + cub said...

I wish they still gave out toys at the dentist. All I ever get now as and adult is a toothbrush and floss.... oh, yay... fun times.

otin said...

What the hell is a happynose?? Charlie Sheen with an 8 ball??

Traci said...

You know why I love your blog -- because it is only place I can share important questions like why do kids get all the good drugs! Seriously, I needed a laugh and you always provide.

Because of that and because you are a kind supportive blogger, there is an award for you on my blog. :-)

Traci
38andgrowing.blogspot.com

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