I wonder if they'll ever invent remote controls for brains. Volume, brightness, rewind, pause, that kind of thing. It'd be so cool to be able to just change the channel on those arguments that we can't stop replaying in our heads. No, you still wouldn't be able to go back in time to the academic debate where your reasoning was challenged and use that decisive "Stupid stupid dumb head face!" counter argument you formulated after the fact. How much sweeter, though, to be able to simply delete the stupid stupid dumb head faces of the world forever right when they're in mid snide remark, and switch over instead to your twelfth birthday party when you freakin' owned that pinata, man? Zoom in on that and crank the surround sound. Pity party is over! It's a hooray for you party now!
The best part, though? The off switch. Click! Sound asleep. No muss, no fuss, no sharp blows to the skull. Just sweet, complete unconsciousness at the flick of a switch.
I know all the parents are with me on that one.
It goes without saying, though, that once we're adults the only person we'd want to be able to access our remote controls would be our own selves. It also goes without saying that the government would put an end to that idea pretty quick.
"Our nation can never truly be free as long as terrorists are allowed to turn their minds to the purpose of destroying democracy at will!"
And then we'll say:
"As far as I'm concerned as soon as you decide to be a terrorist you give up your right to control your own mind. After all, if you're going to try and prevent my freedom, why should you have any?"
And then before you know it:
"Well if you wait until after someone's blown up a building to take control of their minds it's a little late for it to do much good then, isn't it? Besides, if you have nothing to hide you have no reason to care if the government controls your brain."
"If you don't support the government controlling your brain you don't really love your country, and if you don't love your country you're too dangerous to control a brain."
Not that we'd ever notice the government tinkering away in the back of our sub-consciousnesses anyway. Not with all the spam we'd be sifting through.
Well you didn't think it would be free, did you? Sure there'll probably be a basic install package available for a low, one time fee. One that lets you taste the possibilities but not truly indulge in them. Once you're dependent on the thing, though, nothing will slow the march of profit. You want to finish reliving that first kiss? Sure - right after this message from Gum, now with icyhotsonicspicyfreshwinterweinerdoodleblastcoolness crystals!
Of course they'll be targeted ads. Google's algorithms are going to be snapping all over your synapses.
And of course parents would undoubtedly have to shell out for specific installs for school and different ones for after school activities and set up all kinds of different security codes and permissions. "Pause Kimmy for third period - she's not allowed any sex ed." The company you work for would likely be shoving something in there as well - at least a scrambler to block certain channels while you're on company time. Hey, you're not getting paid to miss your mommy, alright? People would definitely be frying their gray matter with cheap back alley bootlegs, too. Overall it'd be expensive and overstimulating, it'd be abused and become intrusive, basic human rights and freedoms would almost certainly become compromised and there would undoubtedly be a risk of severe and permanent brain damage.
But still - you could record your dreams like TiVo! Totally worth it!
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- ▼ February (10)