Tuesday, February 16, 2010

In my day titles were more than just cheap gimmicks.

I'm in training to be an old person. Making good progress, too. I've mastered the chair nap, gotten the damn kids off my lawn, and spent all day Sunday at the RV Show. It was too a very romantic Valentine's Day! Sure, my boyfriend wanted to take me to the botanical gardens, and yeah that would have been a more traditional way to celebrate. I for one can't think of a grander romantic gesture than spending an entire day allowing your girlfriend to cram you into an endless succession of little rooms that you can't stand fully upright inside of just because you know it will make her ridiculously happy, though. Poor thing's probably still a bit stooped. It's a noble stoop, though. A manly stoop. A stoop of chivalrous sacrifice!

Also he's as dedicated to finding opportunities to eat mini donuts as I am, and I know sugar's romantic. After all, giant multi-conglomerate corporations say so, and giant multi-conglomerate corporations are never wrong. About anything. Ever! You don't believe me just ask their legal departments. Bring a lawyer to translate. And whatever you do don't sign anything.

No, I can't afford an RV. Yet. I can afford the RV accessibility atlas of North America, though, so that's a start. It has a special plastic cover you can safely spill soft foods on and everything. What I can do in the meantime, too, is help above mentioned boyfriend refurbish his Boler Trailer. Boler trailers are definitely romantic. One could even go so far as to say they're forcibly romantic. They're so small that two people sharing one have two options. One is killing each other. The other option requires just as much energy, can be just as messy (if done correctly), and is generally speaking a bit harder on the suspension, but it at least leaves a second person around to share driving duty for the trip home and offer important navigation assistance, like notifying you immediately after you've just passed the turn you needed to take and wiping lunch off the atlas.

Apparently all we need to do to get the Boler back in business is scrape off the lichen, sand down and paint the exterior, remove and replace all the trim, rewire all of the electrical, completely reupholster everything, sew up some curtains, get some tires and new windows on the thing, and do some fixing stuff with the scary explodey can that runs the stove and fridge (pretty sure that bit won't be my job). So far we've managed to pick a color. We're in agreement that bright yellow would best minimize the risk of it getting lost in particularly dense foliage, which for a Boler trailer would mean a particularly precocious second season shrub. We'll just need to be careful of black trim to avoid any embarrassing and potentially painful mating attempts by stinging insects. But really, once those little odds and ends are dealt with hey presto - we'll be rugged and outdoorsy Grizzly Adams types ("Grizzly Adams types" being defined as "people who live in a can without a toilet").

Wow. I already feel so nature-ey and stuff I can't stand it. I'm practically a moose.

47 comments:

My name is PJ. said...

The laughs started with "gotten the damn kids off my lawn..."

Too funny.

nick said...

I couldn't enjoy a trip in an RV (I guess campervan is the Brit equivalent). At my age I prefer a bit of comfort and other people dealing with all the necessary maintenance and scary explodey things. Also it's more relaxing giving someone else's suspension a bashing rather than my own.

otin said...

My idea of camping involves wake up calls and room service! LOL!!

Brian Miller said...

i used to watch grizzly adams!

SmartBear said...

Sounds like too much work to me.... I agree with previous posters:get thee to a fine hotel!

Eva Gallant said...

I used to love camping of any kind. But as an old person, I need the bathrool handy, so now I opt for motels.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Man, you're funny!

My husband and I are trident "hotel" people, but we tried renting a one room, bathroom-less, air condition free cabin once with our dog. After it was over, we declared, "Yeah, that was horrible. Hampton Inn next time?" Pathetic.

But I really am naturey! Really. I hike and bike and get dirty. I just REALLY need a shower and puffy towel afterwards!!

Thanks for the laugh, I think you're a terrific writer!

thesunnyabyss said...

you so need to catch me up :P

Denise said...

Stopping by from SITS to say HI! I have made a promise to myself to visit and comment on all blogs posted to spread the love!

Where the Fur Flies said...

I still firmly believe that camping involves a tent and sleeping on the ground.

I wonder if that explains why I haven't gone camping in ten years?

Cathryn said...

I love this post about practicing being old! Laughed so hard and I nearly lost my coffee in the process!

Robin said...

Im not a camper either..only when I was in girls scouts...years ago..now I only want fine amenities..I dont know how I would get along without my technology..well my Hubs is a former marine so he would take care of that..I do like the really modern mobile homes though..now that i would take..like the stars have..LOL

Berowne said...

I don't feel dull, I don't feel hollow,
When I find myself in your "Blogs I Follow." :-)

cabin + cub said...

oh that is a lot of reno! i wonder if you can sign-up for one of those make-over shows on tv? maybe there is a "pimp my ride' RV edition?

Viki said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. Good luck with the trailer. You must really want to go traveling if you want to put that much work into your boyfriend's LOL. Good luck with it.

f1trey said...

this is a NO old person free zone....hehee... you still got it!

buffalodick said...

You don't train to be an old fart, it sneaks up on you.. Never trust a fart, don't forget your Meds, and if you can't remember something, change the subject! Old Fart, getting the hang of it...Buff

injaynesworld said...

I would need to be towing another RV that housed the room service personnel. They have those, right?

Unknown Mami said...

Oh no, no, you should definitely paint it to look like a bee! Please!

LadyFi said...

I laughed all my way through this. I love being outdoors but am not really a camping sort of person.

Sounds as if you had the perfect sugary Valentine's Day.

Chandrika Shubham said...

:)

Tamara said...

You can't be a successful old person if you paint the Boler yellow. It MUST, MUST, MUST be mauve. K?

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

Thank you so much for your encouraging comment today and I know how you feel about working with animals! :-)

Akelamalu said...

You're doing a great - it's not easy napping in the chair!

Thanks for visiting me and taking the time to comment, nice meeting you :)

Denise said...

OMG! This
<< I'm in training to be an old person. Making good progress, too. I've mastered the chair nap, gotten the damn kids off my lawn, and spent all day Sunday at the RV Show.>>
Is too funny! This is me, too!

Stopping by from SITS! Please stop by!
http://extremepersonalmeasures.blogspot.com/

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

Okay, you had me at the first few lines! I am in the same training that you are! I have mastered chair naps and falling asleep in the middle of sentences! Bet you can't do that!! LOL

carma said...

please do not let my husband get wind that there is such a thing as an RV Atlas with a plastic cover, no less -- he has been known to spend $40 on an ATLAS!!!!

Theta Mom said...

You are so funny - I am not a camper, either!!!

Together We Save said...

Not much of a camper here. You are funny...kids off the lawn.

TheFrogBag said...

Haha! I haven't been camping since I was a girl scout. I grew up in FL, so camping there at least involved the possibility of bears and alligators. Exciting stuff! Until someone's dad pretended to be the legendary skunk ape. It scared us so bad that none of ever went camping again! Maybe if I had a big tin can to protect me...

linlah said...

We bought an 18' camp trailer about 4 years ago and I bless that day because my childhood was spent under an Army tarp in the wilderness with my parent screaming, when it rained, don't touch the tarp.

Name a national park west of the mississippi and I've probably been there.

Conquer The Monkey said...

Love the opening!!!! LOL!

HalfAsstic.com said...

I am SO FREAKIN' INSPIRED! I am going outside to pee right this minute! ;-)
(Won't the neighbors be impressed...)

gayle said...

You are so funny!! You just should buy an new RV for all the work you have to do on the other little "thing". Keep us posted with pic etc...this is something I want to see!!:)

Megan said...

I held it in until "particularly precocious second season shrub" and then it was all over!

Megan said...

P.S. You owe me about 1/8 of a beer. Luckily I spit it onto my lap and not the laptop. Laundry charges extra...

~dawn said...

WEll- I was gonna laugh, but I'm at work and am not wearing a depends...
and I am almost out of coffee and so don't want to waste it fluching out my sinuses...
and then I realized that I had forgotten what was so funny...

But I do like camping... in a tent or a trailer or a pop-camper with a bed I had to share with my sister who had really stinky feet...
yeah, haven't been camping in a while here either...:)

Buckeroomama said...

Ah, the chair nap. I'm getting good at that.

The Blue Zoo said...

My booys, husband included, love camping in tents! I like camping. But I might LOVE it if I had an RV. =)

Nessa said...

What do you have loaded in your shot gun?

Detour

♥ Braja said...

Ha!! You had me at "got the damned kids off my lawn." Made my morning...

Susan said...

I wish I could master the chair sleep. Great post as always!

Sara said...

The last three sentences made me snort.

secret agent woman said...

I have always wanted to shake my fist at yell at the damn kids to get off my lawn, but so far the neighborhood kids have all been very cooperative.

Nezzy said...

Ya mean ya gotta train to be old. Heck this Ozarks farm chick just thought it came naturally!!! Heeehehe!!!

I've spent some time in the semi with hubby....ya just can't get any closer than them apples.

Great post girl, ya crack this gal up and heaven know I sure can't afford any more wrinkles!

As we say down here in the hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa, "ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

Secretia said...

That trailer story makes me want to go on a long road trip, like a vacation.

Lo said...

Just want to say thanks....you are brilliant. I'll be back.

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