Friday, March 25, 2011

I dreamt I was the editor of Vogue magazine, and when I woke up this title was written on the dog in lipstick.

What Your Sleeping Position Reveals About You

Fetal Position: You are *completely normal.

Fetal Position - Tight Curl: You really need to start meeting those payments.

Face Up, On Back: Your boobs hurt.

Face Down, On Stomach: You apparently have the ability to breathe through your ears.

Center of the Bed: The only reason you have a personals ad is to get your mom off your back.

Head Under the Covers: Monsters are trying to eat you.

Extreme Edge of Mattress: You own a cat.

Extreme Edge of Mattress, Legs Tucked: You own a cat and a dog.

Diagonal, Head at Top of Bed: Rebel

Diagonal, Head at Bottom of Bed: Drunk

Sitting: You have three people on hold, all rebooting their computers.

Standing: You are a horse.

Hanging: Hope you've got some pillows under you for when your legs fall asleep there, goth boy.

While Having Sex: You are a new parent.

With Your Shoes On: You are forgetful.

Arms Curled Protectively Around Head: You are sleeping with my boyfriend.

Flailing Wildly: You are my boyfriend.

*extremely repressed

91 comments:

ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.com said...

I knew I was more powerful that I knew(?).

I have the ability to breathe through my ears!

HumorSmith said...

Very funny post and quite accurate. I would be the cat one. Not so bad as long as his face is next to mine, but I hate when he turns around.

laura b. said...

heh heh! I would be proud to sleep in any of these positions! However, I have no idea how I sleep, since when I am sleeping I am, um, sleeping...

e said...

I am slept upon by one cat, pushed to the edge of the bed by the second and my feet hold the head of the third...

What does this make me?

Tired!

rachelslessonslearned said...

I sleep two ways; the hurty-booby way, and the I ahve a cat way. The cat way is habit haver 17 years of having a cat. Even though she passed away soem time ago, I still sleep as if she were taking over the bed and walking on my face.

rachelslessonslearned said...

I sleep two ways; the hurty-booby way, and the I ahve a cat way. The cat way is habit haver 17 years of having a cat. Even though she passed away soem time ago, I still sleep as if she were taking over the bed and walking on my face.

mythopolis said...

hahaha...I sleep only on my right side with my right leg straight, and my left leg half bent up and over my right leg such that half of my left foot sticks out from the blanket and off the edge of the bed. The blanket must be over my head, but with a little opening through which I can breathe. The opening should be about 4" in diameter. What this means, is that I have obsessive-compulsive issues.

Rita said...

Good Lord! Try sleeping with a 20 lb cat in a twin bed. What does that make me? Single. ;)

Eva Gallant said...

What a riot! Very clever post!

Susan in the Boonies said...

"Monsters are trying to eat you."

I lived this as a child, and my daughter carries on this fine tradition.

Rachel said...

Classic - I love this and will use this in future therapy sessions ;)

Raven said...

At the extreme edge of the bed could also mean that the other half of your bed is filled with books, paper, and DVDs as mine is.

With your shoes on could also be drunk. I woke up many a morning in my 20s wearing my shoes and wondering how the hell I got home.

Love your title!!!

secret agent woman said...

I vary among several sleeping positions - normal/repressed, hurting boobs, breathing through ears, partial rebel, and occasionally I am apparently your boyfriend.

Jenners said...

These were oddly right on..especially the new parent one! Genius!!!

Gaelyn said...

But I don't want to be normal!

injaynesworld said...

Genius! I flop around so much, I pretty much cover all of these at one time or another during the night. Then I wonder why I'm so tired in the morning.

Pretty damn clever, my friend.

TheFrogBag said...

I really can't argue the logic of any of these. I love your blog because it is always has the most accurate information around! And today it does me the favor of making me like blogs again, after the bitter taste reading Scott Adam's (that Dilbert guy) left me with!

Antares Cryptos said...

Cuz monstes cant get past blankee. Nope.

Jenner said...

Face up, on my back= because the cat is asleep on my chest.

Linda Medrano said...

I'll be honest, I have many three dog nights. It's not the most recommended thing for everyone, but it works for my dogs. (For my husband, not so much.)

Audubon Ron said...

"Extreme Edge of Mattress, Legs Tucked: You own a cat and a dog."

Nailed it!!!

Cinner said...

This was hilarious, you know you make me laugh and laugh. I am on the way to bed soon....oh what to do now.
have a great weekend. thanks for your wonderful sense of humor. hugs.

Elisabeth said...

If I'm to believe this, it seems I have a few bills to pay.

Myrna R. said...

You're hilarious! Now I'm gonna lose sleep trying to figure out how I sleep... and it's deep psychological meaning.

Shrinky said...

The new parent one brought back a few memories! I don't know how you keep coming up with these treasures, but I sure am glad that you do!

...louciao... said...

You forgot under the bed: because you live in Vancouver and are waiting for the Big One to hit at any time. Either that or because the ferret has taken over the bed.

Megan said...

You funny!

pattypunker said...

i just watched the movie, "september issue," which is sort of a documentary about the editor of vogue. so in your dream, were you a cold, heartless bitch who is a little pixie of a thing with a strong mind for business and a limitless number of fabulous dresses?

Maggie May said...

I toss and turn all night in different positions!
How very funny!
It was good to see your comment on my blog because I love to see new people.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

This was so funny! I am a 'Monsters are trying to eat me' girl :s

nick said...

Or sleeping despite a force 10 gale that's blowing most of the roof off: you've just got home after spending a weekend with the whiney in-laws and their impossible children and you're so exhausted absolutely nothing can wake you up.

Nicky said...

LOL! I am also the one protecting my head. My man dreams of brawls. One time he punched me right in the head! I woke up yelling and he just opened one eye and mumbled "Sorry, I thought you were the annoying guy" and went right back to sleep.

Green Monkey said...

WOW..... you got witty nailed... that was fantastic! I'm hooked, I'm following, I'm learning... promise you'll continue to woo me!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Ha! A few of those sound familiar.

linlah said...

What color lipstick? That tell justs as much as the sleeping position.

lime said...

so...i need to find a man who is a belly sleeper....

Stickup Artist said...

So funny and so true! I believe that sleep positions reveal a lot about people and their state of mind. Extremely perceptive with all the humor I have come to look forward to when stopping by. (PS, I am totally superstitious about having a foot dangling off the bed!)

Buckeroomama said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this! You forgot 'extreme edge of mattress, with one leg hanging down the side' --two kiddos crawled onto bed in the middle of the night...

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Talk about creative! Thanks for coming by so I could visit this fun place.
Have a great week.
xoRobyn

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I always go to sleep in a normal fetal position but wake up on my back, even when my boobs don't hurt. I lost the ability to breathe through my ears some time ago, sadly.

blueviolet said...

The flailing is why we went to a king-sized bed!

Nicole✗✗ said...

haha!! This was awesome!!

Susannah said...

LOL, I loved these. :-)

nursemyra said...

Normal. Yes I am. Though my parrot may not agree.

BamaTrav said...

with both eyes open.

Deborah said...

You never fail to make me laugh aloud! :o)

Ginger said...

Epic! I prefer your version to Cosmo's!

p.s. Head under the covers: Not Monsters just monster-noisy neighbours!!

Rob K said...

But I sleep under the bed!

....Petty Witter said...

So I'm a rebel am I? Though the last time I checked it was not your boyfriend who was flailing around beside me.

Kernut the Blond said...

This explains a lot. I, too, have a cat. She takes her half of the bed out of the middle. Yup, I'm an "extreme edge of the bed" sleeper.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Haha these are awesome. Apparently my boobs hurt! LOL! :P

Duncanr said...

You missed out, sleeping on the edge, shivering with cold - you're a man sharing a bed with a woman who has grabbed most of the bed and the duvet

(and if anyone seriously thinks women are the weaker sex - try to loosen their grip on the duvet when they are asleep, and see how far you get)

Deidre said...

The real question is why are petal and fetal spelled the same but not pronounced the same?

Brian Miller said...

i need to list breathing through my ears on my resume...

randine said...

I loved the cat and dog one! I could totally relate to that. I wake up sleeping on the edge of the bed and the cat and the dog are sprawled out luxuriously, fanning each other.
Too funny!

ladyfi said...

LOL - just hilarious! Although I would say that if you sleep on the edge of your bed, your kids are in there with you... (and possible the dog, too)!

Sandra said...

OMG this was so good I'm still laughing out loud. Really I am! I never do that when I read blogs. Sure I'll chuckle but I'm full out laughing. I still fall asleep while having sex and my youngest is 7.

Debra said...

I could be all of the above... depending.
"I dreamt I was editor of Vogue... classic!
Laughed here until my back hurt.

sheila said...

LOL, these are so true! I never understood how people slept face down, that's so claustrophobic to me!

Deanna said...

I can relate to in the chair...

You never fail to make me laugh

VandyJ said...

I get teh cat one, and the dog one--I end up with very little bed to myself--and hubby wants to go back to a queen size--yeah ain't happening.

carma said...

very insightful thank you for confirming that I am normal or extremely repressed

Al Penwasser said...

What about with socks on face up (me, not the socks)?

Janie said...

Ha! These are wonderful. Great list.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Well, what if it is sorta a combo of ALL of them? Not me of course...

Jeanie said...

What position were you sleeping in when you dreamed you were the editor of Vogue? What color lipstick was used to write on the dog? There could be a lot of info about you revealed in the answer to those 2 questions.

Marlene said...

Your boobs hurt....rofl...that was a good one.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! appreciate it!

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

What if you sleep under your bed? Just curious...

Diana said...

That was great, and I'm sure a lot was true! Love Di ♥

Holly said...

Alternately, my boobs hurt and monsters are trying to eat me.

Without reading what you've written, that comment is not going to make any sense, is it?

Skunkfeathers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Skunkfeathers said...

I exemplify several herein descriptives, along with at least two not herein defined.

Ziva said...

Ha! I guess this means that my boobs hurt at night when I go to bed, but by morning my boobs have stopped hurting and I have suddenly developed the ability to breathe through my ears.

Katherine said...

You-are-an-absolute-genius!!!!! Once gain, I can't breathe after reading one of your posts! Standing up, you are a horse... on your stomach, your boobs hurt. My MOUTH hurts from laughing so much!!!!

Kicking Rocks said...

lol i guess im repressed...

following!

Chandrika Shubham said...

hahaha

Best wishes. :)

Karen said...

That is too funny. I'm definitely the cat one - even though I no longer let them in my bedroom (husband is allergic) - some habits you never break.

Gaston Studio said...

LOL, I could be found in several of these positions as I usually traipse all over the bed throughout the night.

rhymetime(aka Pat) said...

hahaha I love it
But what if you sleep on your back and have no tits
What does than mean then
I'm refering to men..lol
Yes and the cat one I can relate
As they act like they want to mate
Going all up my side
And making me stretch my legs wide
So they can lay inbetween
Oh it is quite the scene
I better go
As I could get scary with my info

THUNDERCAT832 said...

I passed out and fell asleep in the garage last night...I'm still a little looney O.o Hilarious post! lmfao!

What I Did Today said...

My husband has boobs?!?! And is a cat, apparantly.


Lol.

Fitness Mom said...

I sleep on my back. Yep, my boobs hurt.

choochoo said...

I feel like I have new insight into myself now.

The Barreness said...

I once woke up spread eagle,arms outstretched on my stomach, wearing only a random pair of boxer shorts I'd never actually seen before.

That's one of my favourite memories.

Just wish the bit that happened previously was fresher in my mind...

Just found you and am now both thrilled and a little bit jealous.

- B x

BamaTrav said...

Get off your lazy butt and post ;)

Unknown Mami said...

You are a genius! Someday when I grow up I will be as funny as you. In the meantime, I will not be sleeping with your boyfriend.

Stephanie Faris said...

These were hilarious!!!

Tweedles -- that's me said...

hello
thankyou for visiting me, and I hope you come back again
love
tweedles

CJ said...

Loved this post! Super creative. I would leave a longer comment but I'm about to fall asleep with my head on my keyboard - which would make me overworked.

Polly Scott said...

Underwater: you are now the proud possessor of a new superpower.

Toko Busana Muslim said...

This really is wonderful article ! I simply love’d it !

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