Monday, March 1, 2010

I can't write this title with a straight face.

What are the odds, right - what are the odds that I would start communicating with two realtors whose first names combine to form the full name of someone I knew two years ago on the very same day said former acquaintance should happen to get his e-mail account infested with malware, which then led me to see two familiar names that I was expecting to see in my in-box and then in the warm, cozy cushion of trust that is my brain at two thirty in the morning open said e-mail's attachment with unquestioning abandon, only to quickly realize that things of that nature most certainly are not generally featured in real estate listings - nobody's going to want to eat anything off that counter again - and that I'd unleashed a torrent of passionate spyware that I have only now, eighteen hours after the fact, managed to eradicate, right? I mean really, what are the odds?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No hell no it is not funny. But it is okay, you know? I just have to deal with this crap. I don't have to live inside the poo addled brain that invented it. Now that would make me feel sorry for myself. Think about it - people really do live non-lives like that. Sends a chill, doesn't it?

What is funny, though, is how Trend Micro thinks that a consumer reporting a failure of their product to protect a computer on an epic scale is a great dialogue opener to say "hey, would you like to buy an even more expensive product from us now?" Yes, I laughed for the full forteen hours it took them to fix the damn thing.

Another thing that's funny is that when I went to have dinner one of the tines on my fork was slightly bent, and I quickly looked at the handle and realized to great relief that it wasn't one of my good forks. "Oh good," thought I, "it isn't one of my good forks," and then I doubled over laughing for the better part of five minutes.

Another thing that's funny is absolutely everything when you haven't slept for over 36 hours.

What isn't funny, though? Having only a small pot of instant mashed potatoes for dinner. I think that's the saddest thing I've done for a long time. That's about as sad as wearing your old prom dress at a birthday party for your dog or something.

I'm still writing, aren't I? I kind of dozed off in the middle bit there, but I'm happy that it appears I've come to some sort of lucid conclusion. Hope you liked the part about the elephants - I wouldn't want to have to untangle those parachutes!

45 comments:

Mrsbear said...

In my professional opinion, you should get some sleep.

Also, people that spend their free time creating computer STDs, should be shot.

Krimmyk said...

sleep is over-rated. That's what the people who get it say to those of us that are sleep deprived. We laugh at them all right. Especially as we are putting that last shovelful of dirt on top of them. ~insomnia
P.S. it's wrong to wear your old prom dress to your dogs birthday? Darn, I truly am lacking in social skills. :)

Erika said...

Wow, seriously, what are the odds?

Kathy Sprinkle said...

Wow how crazy for you! I did enjoy the elephant bit though. I would have preferred the pink kind rather then grey, although the purply parachutes did make up for a lot.

♥ Braja said...

Stranger things have happened.

What? I don't know, but it's a good saying....

Buckeroomama said...

Ahhh, sleep is NOT overrated. I could use some myself. *yawn*

nick said...

The bit about the elephants was hilarious. I liked the way they became invisible and everyone was frantically looking for them and then they suddenly popped up saying they'd gone to buy you a new set of forks and did you like the design?

Couldn't find the parachutes though.

Dave King said...

Fancy you not buying another Trend micro! I do find that difficult to understand. Keep laughing, though...

Brian Miller said...

sleep well...smiles.

My name is PJ. said...

You are getting sleepy, very sleepy.....


So sorry about the virus. That's one of the reasons I think people suck and animals rock. No animal ever screwed with your computer.

Tabor said...

You laughed the whole way and that is a good attitude to have. Some of us don't laugh often enough.

mo.stoneskin said...

There is nothing worse than the product of a poo-addled brain.

Which is why I'm not allowed to make anything these days.

Julianna Cannon said...

Look Here, peeping Tomette~ That prom dress thing only happened once, and it was a momentous ocassion! It isn't every day that a dog turns 5. FIVE! Squeeeee.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

"Wearing your old prom dress at a birthday party for your dog..." Now, THAT'S sad!! LOL!

Hope you are well-rested soon, my dear!

JenJen said...

hahaha. So? I'm not laughing at you. This was such a fun ride...
lol

secret agent woman said...

Wow. You really need a good night's sleep. Like, starting now.

Cathryn said...

Ok...I agree with Mrsbear in my professional opinion--sleep is actually necessity. It's kind of like food--you gotta have it.

SmartBear said...

Get some sleep girl!

Eva Gallant said...

This reads like a severe case of sleep deprivation!

Shana said...

1. The odds are exactly 1 in 765,328.2. Buy a lottery ticket. You're on fire. With the luck.

2. Nothing is as sad as wearing an old prom dress to a birthday party for your dog. Nothing. So you are safe there.

Nessa said...

I like mashed potatoes and pink elephants are my friends.

RnPB: Ch 013 - Clean Up

carma said...

GAH! this is all so complex - except the instant mashed potatoes that is :D

aladdinsane12 said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Hey- instant mashed potatoes sound pretty damn good to me. I pretty much live off of cereal and mac n cheese.

And no sleep for 36 hours? You should be hallucinating by now!

buffalodick said...

At our State BBQ cook-off I end up being awake for like 36 hours straight...I'm a delirious idiot by then...

HalfAsstic.com said...

I am STILL cleaning up elephant shit up in here! Would it be too much to ask for you to conjure housebroken elephants? ;-)

Sarah said...

Your giggles are contagious.

Can I ask, though, what is sad about wearing your old prom dress to your dog's birthday party? Sounds festive and completely normal.

Walker said...

You're asleep and all this has been a dream except the part when you went for a pee.
That was real

Erin said...

This is my first visit here and I can't stop laughing (at your expense). I have never thrown a birthday party for my dog, but I do have instant mashed potatoes in my pantry .

Thank you for stopping by my blog & commenting earlier...I'm your newest follower!

I hope you get some sleep!

Teresa Evangeline said...

Saucy, Sassy. Or both. Definitely funny. Sure glad I checked it out. Thanks for stopping by!

The Blue Zoo said...

What ARE the odds???

Ive woken up while typing before. It usually looks like lkjhf ;jh;jhrurtyfkjgh that though.

nursemyra said...

I'd probably be happy with just mashed potatoes for supper. It would have to be a pretty big bowl though

LadyFi said...

Oh good heavens - poor poor you! Everything will seem better after you get some sleep... I promise!

Akelamalu said...

That happens sometimes - I call it synchronicity! :)

Rosidah Abidin said...

I hope you managed to get some good rest. But, you wrote a great post even without a straight face :).

otin said...

That is quite a coincidence with the names. Maybe the computer Gods were punishing you? lol

I have eaten worse things for dinner than just mashed potatoes!

mythopolis said...

This is a crazy post and I am glad to know I am not alone in losing my mind. I hate it when some jerk tries to take my computer down. And I don't know which is sadder, a crashed system or a pot of instant mashed potatoes. I suppose spilling the mashed potatoes on my crashed computer would be sorta sad too.

Mrsblogalot said...

There is nothing funnier than a sleep deprived post!!! (-:

Martha's Menagerie said...

ROFL!! Everything is that funny to me even when I've had the perfect amount of sleep. Hey why not? What else are we going to do, worry about all this stuff? It doesn't help anyway, may as well laugh at it :-)

Deanna said...

Thanks for stopping by my blob. You are one funny lady. Do you sober up when you get some sleep. Idiots who have nothing better to do than screw up other people's computers should be shot.

Unknown Mami said...

This comment was stuck to the bottom of my show, I hope it doesn't stink.

I'm sorry about the computer. Not funny.

Alexis AKA MOM said...

OH man what are the freaking odds of that! I'm so sorry what a mess!

Get some sleep sweetie :)

e said...

Get a nap. Now. A long one...

Still laughing...

JoeyRes said...

Mrsbear is right. Have a nap and at least make a large pot of potatoes.

kanishk said...

I would have preferred the pink kind rather then grey, although the purply parachutes did make up for a lot.
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sewa mobil said...

This reads like a severe case of sleep deprivation!

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