Friday, March 19, 2010

Hey, if there was a problem with this title don't you think I'd tell you about it?

Hm. Hmmm. Hm hm hm hm hm.

Hm.

This is the closest I've come to making an offer on a house. It requires much humming (see above) and hawing (not quite sure what that is, but I'll get right on it as soon as I do have a workable definition and/or whatever necessary equipment and training one requires to haw) and deliberation. Definitely a fixer-upper. That's cool if I get it for a good enough price. There's every indication I can get it for a good enough price, too.

Hm (and/or haw).

Been on the market for awhile now. Vacant. Former occupant is deceased. Didn't ask if the guy died on the premises, but come to think of it I should. That doesn't really weird me out, but it is a little piece of history that tends to be reflected in purchase pricing. Hey, he was very old and lived alone. He might have moldered in there! If my dogs are pawing and whining at the floor I want to know what they're after.

I think a big part of why it isn't moving it is the color scheme. The dark, fake wood paneling in the living and dining rooms is complimented by a rich, orangey golden carpetting. The over-all effect is that of a wall-to-wall and floor to ceiling nicotine stain. I think that puts buyers off a bit. Money will definitely need to be thrown at that. Also the kitchen is old in a rustic, completely devoid of charm kind of way. People really place a lot of importance on nice kitchens. Not a huge problem for me, though. It's more than sufficient for stacking pizza boxes in.

Yard's good but needs a fence. Also not a problem. I have good fence karma. You string a little barbed wire for a person and they remember it, apparently. My volunteer fence-putter-upper is on stand-by.

Needs new shingles. Nuh uh. I ain't goin' up there. That'd be straight out of pocket.

The bathroom is a good size. The tub is deep. That's divine. Oh god. I hope he didn't die in the tub. Okay now I'm getting weirded out.

Hm/haw.

Okay. Refinishing the tub's on the list. That's also going to be out of pocket.

The basement doesn't freak me out (what I lack in fear of dead bodies I more than make up in my fear of squirmy things with bazillions of legs that you get the feeling would like nothing more than to be than deep inside one of your warm, wet orifices and always appear to be in an extreme hurry to find one). Most basements in my price range do freak me out. This is a bonus.

No garage. I pouted as I typed that, but again, if I get this place for a good enough price I'll have enough money left over for a pair of big girl pants to wear while I suck it up. It's not like I'm used to having one anyway.

And that's the little box my brain is running around inside of today.

Hey everybody who pointed out that this whole house buying thing isn't easy: you were right!

53 comments:

Buckeroomama said...

Oh, good luck with this. :)

My name is PJ. said...

It's screams 1960's!! What fun it would be to change it into something perfect for you! Fingers crossed.

nick said...

Hmmm. And haw. My only warning would be, firstly doing it up can get complicated, messy and long drawn-out and are you prepared for a bit of a slog? And secondly is spending all the time and money doing it up a better deal than finding somewhere that's more or less okay as it is and only needs a few minor changes?

I would certainly want to obliterate the nicotine stain and replace it with something more cheerful and welcoming ASAP.

Brian Miller said...

ack. aint that the truth...good luck...

rachel... said...

Oh, I'll take a dead man in the tub over bugs in the basement any day! And the decor sounds like what was in my house when we bought it. Take before pics so we can be amazed by the after!

And I always thought it was "hemming and hawing"... Hm.

Jazz said...

fear of squirmy things with bazillions of legs that you get the feeling would like nothing more than to be than deep inside one of your warm, wet orifices and always appear to be in an extreme hurry to find one

Ewwwww. ew ew ew ew ew Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... That's scary nasty.

thesunnyabyss said...

the squirmy things don't do it for me either, which is why I have not been in our basement longer than it takes to flick the pump switch back on, and I am not, repeat, NOT ever going in the crawl space under the house, ain't gonna happen, lol, I would like some photos soon of this house, I'm excited for you :)

mythopolis said...

It can get to be quite a 'to do' list...what's under the orange carpet, I wonder? If hardwood, big plus! I've been working on my place 6 years now, and there is always something else to do. But, it gets to be a kind of fun when you know its yours!

thesunnyabyss said...

ps, I wish you could see Miss Trixie Pixie right now, she keeps doing summersaults in the window right in front of me, silly cat, lol

Sarah said...

Rooting for you and the orange shag!

Mrsbear said...

Sounds like you want to bid on it, dead guy notwithstanding. Do it. Do it. Our house was and is a fixer upper, luckily the old guy who sold it to us wasn't dead, just a hoarder. The forty year old green shag carpeting and people high newspaper stacks...even in the bathroom? There were foot prints worn in to the rug in front of the toilet. Weird. Although luckily, two car garage. Not that I'm rubbing it in or anything. Good luck with the bid!

secret agent woman said...

I think it's hemming and hawing. Which I always assumed were all those noncommittal noises like uh and um and, of course, hmm.

I bought an old house with good bones and a great yard but ghastly out of date horridness. And pured both my time and money into fixing it up. Still, I love it.

Tabor said...

Buying a house is one of the most monumental steps in ones life. Another milestone passed if you buy it.

buffalodick said...

Our first house was an estate property, and the woman had died in her house of 40 years...I considered that as a plus for her. She got to die where she lived- not in some hospital.

Eva Gallant said...

Did you ever see the movie "The Money Pit?" Buying a fixer-upper can be a good thing, but be sure to have a qualified inspector check it out so you don't get any big surprises after the purchase. Hmmm....Haw.

Liza said...

the house we had before the one we are currently in had hot pink, and baby blue walls. There was also pink carpet on the staircase, in 2 of the bedrooms, and the family room. We bought in anyway. I was painting the day after we took possession.

Your posts are hilarious.

All the best to you!

BLOGitse said...

o ou...lot of work...Would be too much for me!
All the best!

BLOGitse

Where the Fur Flies said...

Good luck! If it's just decor and the shingles that are holding you back, I would totally go for it. Keep in mind, though, that if they didn't update the decor, they may not have updated the wiring or plumbing. Those are major... more major than you might think... possibly show stoppers. (I learned that the hard way with my first house.)

As for the garage, as long as there's room in the yard to add one, that can come later.

linlah said...

That color carpet is on it's way back in to style which is as scary as the creepy crawly things.

Cathryn said...

LMAO@ nicotine stain description! Hooboy Howdy I could picture THAT house!

Good luck with your decision!

e said...

You did get this palace inspected, I hope???

Good Luck with the hemming and hawing...I would ditch the nicotine look asap...

It took me three years to get my suburban box sorted and re-done, and it did get complicated.

I hope things go well for you.

Megan said...

If he died in the house, they are legally obligated (obliged? I never know) to tell you. At least, here in California they are...

Raelene said...

I hope he didn't die in the tub too!!!!! Good luck :D

Big Pissy said...

Ummm....no deaths of former residents of the house (in the house).
That's tops on my list.

I can't help it.

I'd never get over the feeling of someone watching me.

p.s. yes, I'm on medication. ;-)

Deanna said...

Are you looking at my mother-in-law's house? Oh wait, we sold it...

Good luck!

HalfAsstic.com said...

OHMIGAWD! Get it for the bathtub if nothing else! The best bathtub I ever sat in was in one of several old houses we lived in when we were first married. Deep and slope-backed. That's the way we need it!

Janie B said...

Hope you get the price you need to be able to fix it up. Fingers crossed!

TheFrogBag said...

The good thing about a horrid carpet is that you have to change it. We put down (cheapo) wood when we bought our house and I've never regretted the expense. If the original flooring had been better we might have just lived with it and not gotten the living space we wanted. Good luck!

Susan said...

Orange glowy carpets? I say go for it! I'm thinking if it has stairs you could totally reenact the Brady Bunch photo! hehehe

blognut said...

Know what? Our first house had hideous carpet. After we bought the house, we peeked beneath the carpet and found beautiful oak floors.

Good luck!

gayle said...

Good luck with this!! It is hard moving!!

Just telling it like it is said...

Your going to be fine...take the big chance...

Erika said...

Oh my gosh, the dark wood paneling and the orange shag was the motif of the den in my parents house when my family moved in like 20 years ago.

So awful, it was the first thing my mom changed.

Rosidah Abidin said...

I'd skip on both dead bodies and squirmy things with bazillions of legs any day.

I hope you'll get a great deal, if you like this house and decide to go for it.

Have a wonderful week.

bernthis said...

househunting is so hard. Good luck. I would ask if he died there and if they ever really removed the body. If there is a fridge there, you might want to check the freezer

Sarah said...

I sent out your Starbucks card today, and you're lucky I sealed the envelope what I did. The other winner wound up with inappropriate drawings and some vaguely sociopathic ramblings. Yours is normal. You're welcome.

Kris said...

I can not even imagine having to do this. good luck!

carma said...

from your description, the place would freak me out - but never mind me....

The Blue Zoo said...

Ew. I hope he didnt die in the tub!

Tamara said...

We looked at 66 houses before we picked one. There was much hmming and whatever else-ing. But it was all worth it in the end.

Mrsblogalot said...

Major hard work! Good luck..hmm hmmmm!!!!

Erika said...

I awarded your blog! Stop by and check it out.

Secretia said...

Home buying is the most exciting thing to do except for getting married! Hope it works out.
Squirmy things in warm orifices? Watch out for that!

Secretia

LadyFi said...

Haw haw.. or should that be: ha ha?

Shrinky said...

Haha, trust you to have to consider the "drowned in the bath"! option! Yeah, committing to such a major purchase IS scary, but it's also EXCITNG too, yeah? It needs work, but not all at once - you're planning on staying a while, no need to tear the place up all at the same time. Good luck!

Curiosity said...

Definitely try to get a good deal on it. In retrospect, I wish that we had aimed a little lower on our place because while structurally sound, we definitely had to invest some money in redecorating.

Fuchsia walls with bright blue "built-ins" and dusty rose carpeting? Really? In the same bedroom?

Curiosity said...

(on the plus side, needing to redo is a bit means that you get to make it exactly what you want it to be. ...Which is kind of awesome.)

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Oh sweetie I know it's just a pain and hair pulling at times. The right house will find you and when it comes together you'll love it!

HUGS coming your way!

Martha said...

Sounds perfect? Hey, for the right price I'm sure it could be! Buyers often have a hard time looking beyond ugly to see the bare bones of a place. Good luck! :-)

JoeyRes said...

We had several offers in on much worse fixer-uppers than this one. Our final destination (aka current home) has some mild cosmetic changes needed. I'm really glad we didn't end up with any of the others that had major challenges.

Good luck!

linnykins said...

Frustrating thing is, that the longer you think about it, the more complex it gets! Good luck with this.

Re- Coffee Shop Poetry, Heh, I didn't think of that! How ironic that it's titled 'Rain.'

Traci said...

Deep tub is important -- almost outweighs the large nicotine pit. Haha.

Good luck with this. It is no little thing to be a homeowner. I am sending you good, good vibes!
:-)
Traci

kanishk said...

What fun it would be to change it into something perfect for you! Fingers crossed.
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