Sunday, April 25, 2010

It would be cool if this was my forty second title, but it's not.

So I'm watching this old Art: 21 dvd featuring Josiah Mc Elheny and his reflective sculptures and he's talking about narcissism, right? And okay that's fine. I have my quota of anti-narcissism conditioning. I know it's wrong and bad and being humble is a virtue and all that stuff. I don't know if I believe it, but I know it. Well c'mon, how many humble people you know drive a nicer car than Kanye?

Anyway I'm thinking about the basic concept of narcissism, and that think winds up thrown on the same thought pile as all that crap I keep over thinking about who are we and why are we all here and what's the meaning of life and all that because boy oh boy, I figure that out I'll probably get a book deal at least, maybe even an action figure. No, it's not something I want to spend a lot of time thinking about, but I do, because brains don't like dead ends. They just keep backing up, flooring it, and plowing back into them. Sometimes for funsies they'll circle the block and bounce off the back side a few times, but deep down inside they know it's the same wall.

So by this point science and theology tend to agree more often than not that everything is everything. Ain't no end to me, ain't no beginning to you. It's all energy, and it all runs on intelligence, and it's all the same intelligence, and we can't find the beginnings or ends of that intelligence. It's everywhere we look, it always has been, and we can't think of anywhere else it might possibly go. Whether that means your god or gods have made you in his her or their image/s or you take a just the facts ma'am approach, most people are saying basically the same thing there, and wondering how it could possibly be that they're an intrinsic, indivisible part of so many people who drive like such freakin' idiots and don't even have the brains to signal.

So out of this bubbling puddle of everything all at once comes the idea that consciousness is the everything that is everything's method of becoming self aware. So if we're not narcissistic, maybe we fail at being the universe. Maybe if we didn't spend our lifetimes obsessing over ourselves, we would completely defeat the purpose of our even existing.

And that is why it's okay that I just spent fifty dollars on eye shadow.

Thank you and goodnight.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I'm going to title this entry "Title". Yeah I am messing with you!

I am obsessed with chicken tractors now, and it's all Vicki Lane's fault. Mentioning the things on a public blog where anyone - even impressionable trailer park residents - can read it. Really! She actually did that!

You hear that, Vicki? That low roar of anguish and sorrow? Those are the legions of people feeling sorry for me right now. Those beeps you hear are call waiting. The legions of people feeling slightly perturbed on my behalf are on the other line. That's nothing to do with you, though - that's just because I made the damn fool mistake of downloading Napster. Yeah yeah yeah, you can tell me how stupid I was after the Better Business Bureau gets me my refund, okay?

Have a cookie everybody, because unfortunately sympathy's not going to help get me a chicken tractor, either. Even if they did allow chicken tractors in the trailer park, now would not be a good time to get one. Three cats and two dogs will be quite enough to get moved and resettled into city life. I don't need to be urbanizing poultry too. No, I don't have the option of having a chicken tractor.

That's why it's compulsory for my boyfriend to have one. He's my surrogate farmer. The other day we had twin calves! My boyfriend bought the cow and the bull and fed and pastured them and gave them water and all the necessary medical attentions and complied with all the necessary legal registrations and whatnot, and I named them. Well, I will name them. I don't want to rush it. I take my share of the responsibility for our calves very seriously. I'm wondering if perhaps it might be most helpful if I were to pick out the chicken names now, so that when my boyfriend realizes that he intends to buy some they'll be ready to go.

It all started with Potato Day, aka The Holiday That Wasn't.

The poor man worked his little heart out on his garden last year. Planted all kinds of wonders and delights. Nurtured it like a little orphaned kitten. An exceptionally cute one, even. Like, a pink one with thick black eyelashes or something. I know, a heart shaped kitten with pink fur and long black eyelashes! Wait, no. I'm scaring myself now. Anyway, you get the idea. The man poured his heart and soul into growing strong, healthy plants.

I hope the grasshoppers enjoyed them.

The only thing more bloody mindedly persistent than pestilence is an optimist, though, and that's how a seed potato found itself wintering indoors in a lovely big pot under a grow light. It was a happy potato. It was an enthusiastic potato. Day after day the little potato reached higher and higher until it was several feet tall. It was proclaimed that a day would be chosen to honor the potato - assuming that potatoes consider being eaten an honor, and I admit that I make that assumption. This day would be in February, and it would be a delicious day.

Then one day in January - although we know not which day - the little potato began to slowly collapse it's proud stalk down to the earth of it's pot. By February it lay fully prone in a perfect spiral. By Potato Day it's last green flush of life had faded to a sepia memory. There would be no potato day, for there was no potato.

The only thing more bloody mindedly persistent than an optimist is a frustrated optimist. Planning for the chicken moat commenced.

I'm pretty sure I'd suggested it last year too, but two potato failures in a row have won my idea new respect. The idea is to put a fence around the garden to keep the chickens out, and then put chickens inside a fence around the fence around the garden to keep the grasshoppers out. I call it the chicken moat, and apparently a full year with an unsatisfied craving for garden fresh potato makes it a very compelling idea. There's a very real chance this might happen, and from there the chicken tractor's as good as up and running.

Once that's in place I'm going to need a few coyotes to drop by, though. Apparently I still need to work on garnering support for my Ostrich Patrol Corps idea.

Anyway anyway anyway that's a job for another day. I have decidedly more important priorities just at present, thank you very much!

So is She-Ra as good name for a chicken as I think it is or what?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Oh boy! And I get to think up a new title too!

Hey, know what I want to do? Like really, really, really want to do? I want to write a blog post! I used to do it all the time. Well, regularly. Okay less sporadically.

I've done it more than once, anyway.

Yes, I've been letting life get in the way. Some big stuff - I did mention that I bought a house, right? Some work stuff - insane shows to produce this weekend, and the owner's out of town so they're completely my babies, and some just day to day stuff - when you have dogs, the thawing of the lawn is not your favorite part of spring. That's the way life is, though, and none of that is good reason not to make doing something I love - blogging - a priority. That's why I decided that I needed to just grab a cup of hot coffee, sit down in front of the computer, and focus 110% on...

...crap. Forgot the coffee. Hang on.

Haha! Good for me! I had all this paperwork on the dining table, and I see it and I think you know what? If I just sit down and do that all right now, then I'll be able to just sit down and focus on writing my blog without worrying about that in the back of my mind. And now it's done, and that is one less thing on my mind, and now I can focus on this and...

...I got up to get more coffee, didn't I? Shoot - I forgot my cup in the kitchen. Back in a sec.

Oh man, stone cold. Okay, just gonna make a fresh pot and then we'll take this whole blog writing thing from the top again!

Okay got the hot coffee. Already stale - you know how you get to doing the dishes while you wait for it to brew and by the time you remember you were thirsty you've mopped the whole floor and rearranged the towel drawer - but it's going to have to do. No more distractions! Time to sit down and

oh hell now the dog needs out. Okay, back in One! Minute!

We have not had rain in, like, over a week, and most of that blew away before it even touched down. Where, can anybody please tell me, did the infernal beast find mud for heaven's sake? And of course you can never just bath a dog, oh no. The dog takes a bath then you need one, but not until you've scraped mud and muck off the walls, ceiling and foolishly placed cat first.

Well fine. We can work with this. After all, there's not a lot I can do dripping wet and wrapped up in a bathrobe. This is the perfect opportunity to just sit dow

Oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god oh thank you blogger for saving my draft oh thank you thank you thank you stupid computer stupid computer stupid computer! You know, I just realized that I haven't eaten anything in over eight hours. There's no way I can focus on this if I don't eat something first. Or at least while I'm doing it. Yeah - I'm just going to grab something and then I'll snack as I type. A lesson in efficiency for the modern blogger!

I really need to keep more snack food in the house. I didn't even want a whole casserole, but you can't exactly eat pasta raw and that's all I had. Yeah, okay, guess I was hungrier than I thought too. Anyway! You know what? The phone's ringing but I'm not even going to no wait I'm expecting that call!

Aw. He remembered. My sweetie.

Um. Look guys. I'm kinda beat. You know what? Best plan? A good night's sleep and then fresh and ready to focus tomorrow on the best darn blog post ever written!

Yes. Got a plan. It's as good as done.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Well you got as far as the title, that's something anyway.

This entry is entirely inappropriate. Too spontaneous, poorly thought out, rushed, and just generally not a good idea. I don't recommend reading it at all.

For all those who stopped reading after the first paragraph and aren't seeing this, thank you. It's nice to see my opinion afforded some merit.

For all those still reading, thank you. It's nice to know people with enough backbone to decide for themselves what is or isn't worth their time to pursue. Ignore what I told those other guys. I totally like you best.

It's been a disjointed, unorganized, chaotic and strange week, all culminating in my becoming the proud parent of an 80 year old dependent today. It's ten thousand dollars worth of non-refundable official now - I bought a house. No takesies backsies. If I don't want it, I'm going to have to find someone to unload it on.

I'm going to have a busy summer. Need an entirely new roof, ventilation and insulation in the attic, new gutters, new plumbing, a new furnace with upgraded duct work, a new shed, and I definitely gotta have a fence set up before I can bring the dogs over.

So far I've picked out a color to paint the kitchen cabinets. No, it's not my highest priority, but - and this is very important - it will go well with the vintage curtains I'm thinking of hanging in there. It's no small job, either. Have you ever picked out paint chips in heels? The floors in those home reno places are concrete, people. Very unforgiving on the ball of the foot.

Okay, I'm needing to go to bed now. I just wanted to write something because... um... well okay because I'm starting to miss you guys and stuff. Satisfied?

Don't let it go to your heads, now. I'm not totally dependent on you. I can always fall back on all those people who couldn't be bothered to read this.

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Alberta, Canada
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