Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I think instead of writing a title I'll just spray paint the word whore across my computer screen.

I am a slut.

You're waiting for the classic blogger humor "No, not that kind of slut!" or other similarly whimsical twist, aren't you? Oh I admit it. I chose my words very carefully and wrote that first paragraph very specifically to get your attention.

But not misleadingly. Sex is awesome. I like to have it. *The more opportunities I have to get it, the better, and the more attractive people I get to have it with the better.

That's enough to qualify me right there. But why just qualify when you can take honors? I also wear whatever the hell I want, and if I think something might increase my chances of getting laid, there's an increased chance I'll wear it.

Sluttity slut slut slut.

But don't you say the word like it's a bad thing. It's not. It's a free, personal choice thing. One of those things that doesn't affect anybody except the person making that choice. That's not a bad thing, that's a none of your goddamn business thing. Unless I make it your business. Which I have. Which only surprises any of you if the first thing you wondered after finding my blog was "what's a blog"?

That's pretty much all you need to know right there, actually. If you ever find yourself wondering "Is this person a slut?", just ask yourself "Does this person have a blog?" If the second answer is "no", then the first answer is "none of your goddamn business". See how easy?

Profile picture courtesy

Sluts pay taxes. They raise happy, healthy, well adjusted children. Some of them teach your children. No, not how to be sluts - honey if you need to be taught you're not going to be any good at it anyway (yes, I'm looking at you, burlesque workout class registrants) - to be good people. That's something sluts can do as ably as anybody else, because being a slut does not mean you're a bad person.

It can certainly be argued that sluts actually contribute more to making the world a happier place than most people.

Yes, there are a hundred and one domino arguments that can be raised, just like there are for anything else. There are risks associated with everything, and good and bad consequences to everything. If you make a driving error resulting in an accident while making an unnecessary trip to the store to buy junk food, are you a worse person than if you had been on your way to buy nothing but healthy essentials? Like Doritos scented corn fed poo you are.

So go ahead. Call me a slut. The world is filled with sluts who have my deepest respect, so I'm okay with that.

Call me a Limbaugh, on the other hand, and I will throw up all over your shoes.

*when I'm not in a committed, monogamous relationship, which I happen to be at the moment. That's right - we're good people AND faithful, too. What are sluts coming to these days?


TheFrogBag said...

Damn, that was very well said. I read the Limbaugh words earlier, thought about writing about them, spewed a bunch of rage at my poor husband about them, thought more about writing about them, couldn't form a coherent thought beyond "wha huh wha tha?" and posted a cute picture of my cat instead. Thanks for letting me read something that let me laugh about them before the day was done!

Brian Miller said...

it is a good thing the american taxpayer is willing to pay for you to have sex...errr...not a rush fan, he is entertainment for the ignorant

mythopolis said...

You are back with a vengeance! Yes, sluts are misunderstood and discriminated against. They need love too. And I am so tired of being called a dirty old man simply because I am drawn to young sluts. Dirty old men need love too, and especially from young sluts. All us dirty old men and all those young sluts need our own island somewhere where we can be happy and live ever after!

Tabor said...

So good 'ole Rush got your blood going. Safer and healthier to have your blood boil from sex.

Dee Newman said...

"What are sluts coming to these days?"

I don't know . . . certainly not to or with me, though I'm more than willing and ready. And, not that bad-looking. Perhaps, it's that my tastes are toooooooooooo discriminating . . . young, intelligent, attractive, emotionally stable, and highly ethical.

Gaelyn said...

I gave it up years ago.

Myrna R. said...

It almost makes me want to go look up whatever Limbaugh said. But, then I'd be part of his audience.
ButI sure like what you said about sluts, a choice certainly.

Just telling it like it is said...


Jenners said...

I was a slut for about a week but then I gave it up.

Vicki Lane said...

Wait a second -- is Her Majesty a slut? I'd like to think so. Maybe we need t-shirts.

Great post, Tatty!

Nicky said...

I'm just going to come out and say it. I fucking love you.

Jonas said...

I'd never call you a "Limbaugh" or a "Rushbo" 'cuz them words are VILE.

Eva Gallant said...

You are an awesome slut!

Shrinky said...

That island's over here, Dan, on Craggy Isle! (Waving smugly)

"It can certainly be argued that sluts actually contribute more to making the world a happier place than most people."


With all the problems raging across this planet, does it REALLY matter who's sleeping with who, how often, or when?

ps. Who's Limbaugh?

Mark said...

You crazy slut! Making me laugh!
Hey, and why so hard on Rush? Speaking of, he comes on in 3 minutes. Gotta rush! No pun intended.


Rita said...

Limbaugh effects me that way, too. ;)

Secret Agent Woman said...

Oh yeah, so am I. I can be (and am now) very happily faithful but I do like me some sex and I am not apologetic that there have been more than a few.

I'd say, "Fuck Limbaugh" but that would be disgusting. And probably all that misogyny stems from how unappealing he must be to women who have even a tiny bit of sense.

injaynesworld said...

I was a proud card-carrying slut many years ago when you got drugs and rock 'n' roll with your sex.

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