Wednesday, September 15, 2010

You'd think I'd have picked up a few new ideas for titles while I was at it.

Things I Have Learned Living a Month in the Country:
  • That loaf of bread from the grocery store contains more than your minimum daily requirement of deer poop.
  • That well water does not dissolve teeth. Apparently that's "normal grit" and not the shaved enamel of my molars.
  • The Hutterites' preferred method of arm removal.
  • The further away the convenience store, the greater the craving for junk food. Even if you never bought the stuff when it was within walking distance.
  • The full, profound extent of my dog's love of poo.
  • If you don't know the weather forcast, you aren't capable of having a conversation with anybody.
  • If you don't go at least 60 miles per hour on the wet gravel road the guy behind you will, like, literally die, like, right now and really really painfully, too. You bitch.
  • If he's in front of you 10 miles per hour is plenty fast enough for both of you. I mean what's your big hurry anyway, hot shot?
  • It gets dark when the sun goes down.
  • Cows like strawberries.
  • Cows like yoghurt.
  • If you offer a cow strawberry yoghurt it will look at you like you're the antichrist and run to the opposite end of the pasture, pooping frantically.
  • That a lot of things in life involve poop.

29 comments:

Pamela said...

LOL Oh that was great!! Gave me some laughs today :)

Brian Miller said...

cows like strawberries and yogurt...is that kinda like cannibalismwith the yogurt...maybe not just weird...smiles.

Charlene said...

If you are walking behind a cow barefoot and they poop there's soon a warm squishy poop pie between your toes.

e said...

LOL! You'll relate well to my posting yesterday involving cow pies...

Aging Mommy said...

No doubt about it, lots of poop in the country and very few Starbucks which is why I shall be staying in suburbia :-)

Eva Gallant said...

It is possible to make your own junk food.....

haphazardlife said...

Get AWAY from there. Get yourself back to the city. NOW,

Nezzy said...

Oh girls, I could tell ya stories about the manure. Heck, I used to make mud pies with cow patties, hence the name Cow Patty Surprise.

When I was three I once got stuck in a cow pile...just sayin........

Ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

thesunnyabyss said...

did I tell you we have a cow now, lol, his name is Brutus, Brutus Beefcake, lol, I am sure you are going to love living in the country, almost as much as you would love over here with us, lol!

secret agent woman said...

This:
If you don't go at least 60 miles per hour on the wet gravel road the guy behind you will, like, literally die, like, right now and really really painfully, too. You bitch.
If he's in front of you 10 miles per hour is plenty fast enough for both of you. I mean what's your big hurry anyway, hot shot?

is a major thorn in my side.

Gaelyn said...

Poop poopie dupe.

frigginloon said...

Damn that cow it deserves a tipping!!!

linlah said...

poop happens. all the time.

Megan said...

"Dogs and cats, living together...mass hysteria!"

Kay said...

you heard it hear! life is full of poop.

:) yes indeed.

ScoMan said...

I guess it depends on whose recommendation of deer poop requirements you're working off.

In my mind, you can never get enough deer poop.

nick said...

But do well water and normal grit keep you pooping regularly?

Buckeroomama said...

Distance from the convenience store has never stopped me when I need a junk food fix. Never.

....Petty Witter said...

A bit too much information about poo. I love your comment about not knowing the weather forecast making you incapable of conversation - I thought this was only true of us Brits.

BLOGitse said...

oh no, we have a lot of poop in the center of the city - dog poop! Everywhere!
oh s.... poop!

carma said...

wow - country living has taught you some very profound things!!

Tabor said...

Ah, yes, the country. Such a fun and funny place. (Poo? My word verfication is peings.)

Deanna said...

Ha! The joys of country life at its best. You are hilarious!

TheFrogBag said...

Haha! All very true observations. But the trade off is that you can do some star gazing with just a pair of binoculars. As long as you watch where you step while looking up at the sky!

e said...

Thank you for the compliment. Did you happen to read the post below it that mentions cow pies? I laughed recalling that, too.

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

All those different kinds of poop in the country are like doggy candyland.

Mine likes to eat grass too.

I'm amused that you caused cows to "poop frantically". That must have been a sight.

Sandra said...

What is it about blog's mentioning poop that draws me in so???...you're funnier than funny!!!

Nessa said...

Poop is natural so there's lots in nature.

randine said...

I think that long, painfully repetitive conversations about the weather forecast is Canadian thing, in general. Eh?
And by the way- I hear they're forecasting snow for Edmonton. That's all I hear some days, these days.

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