Attention Shoppers: Please stop putting coins in the Happy School Bus mechanical ride. The kid in there has ridden it 26 times in a row and is starting to look a bit green.
Attention Shoppers: We understand and appreciate that it's very hot today. Management requests, however, that you refrain from handling our frozen food items in an unsanitary manner.
Attention Shoppers: In order to bring you the everyday low prices that you appreciate, we are unable to pay our cashiers enough to put up with your crap. Smile, say thank you, and save your speech about the evils of inflation for your next address of congress.
Attention Shoppers: It has come to our attention that if your kids scream loud enough long enough that you will buy anything, and we will continue to strive to make this establishment as family friendly as humanly possible.
Attention Shoppers: We again apologize for any inconvenience caused by the line break in our sprinkler system over the soap aisle, and again request that all customers remain fully clothed.
Attention Shoppers: Please enjoy our recycled air, unrelenting noise, and affordably priced convenience foods. We invite you to visit our pharmacy before you finish your shopping trip today.
Attention Shoppers: If you are purchasing items for your kids that do not feature any licensed cartoon characters, please take a moment and stop by our courtesy desk to fill out a survey on socially maladjusted children for a chance to win valuable coupons.
Attention Shoppers: Will the customer who made the bulk foods manager cry please report to customer service immediately and apologize. Bring a broom.
Attention Shoppers: You don't need half that crap in your cart. Either put it back or stop whining about how broke you are.
Attention Shoppers: Consumables that are not sold by weight may be enjoyed while you shop provided that the packaging is presented to the cashier for purchase before leaving the store. We remind our customers, however, that this policy does not extend to personal hygiene products.
Attention Shoppers: First parent who figures out where the hell their toddler wandered off to wins a donut.
Attention Shoppers: The store is now closing. Or perhaps we should say the store is still closing. The store has been closing ever since we told you that the store was now closing fifteen minutes ago. But there you are! Still shopping. How can we make this whole store closing concept clear enough for you to fully grasp, shoppers?
Attention Shoppers: It's a beautiful day. Go play outside.
- ▼ September (5)