Saturday, October 24, 2009

Wait - you mean everyone can see this title?

Stop licking your monitor.


Suddenly we all want cake. Or better yet cupcakes. No. You know what? Screw it. Just fill a pail with frosting and pass the spoon.

We're done pandering to adulthood. That means we're done pretending to like grown up food. Fusion cuisine makes us feel clever at parties, but it doesn't make us feel loved. Nobody's parents ever served lamb curry fajitas with Yorkshire pudding smothered in sweet and sour sauce at Sunday dinner. Fusion cuisine, like every other food trend to come along, romanced us, pantsed us, and left us fundamentally unsatisfied. There's no emotional connection there and we're sick of feeling clever anyway. Clever people have stress and responsibilities and stuff. That's icky. The planet's terminally ill, the economy's manic depressive, we're scared to death and we want our mommies. Barring that we'll settle for the crap mommy used to shove in our cry holes to shut us up when we got whiney.

So why cake? Why of all the childhood gastronomical favourites have we glommed on to this particular one? Why not pizza or hot dogs or white glue?

Simple. Cake has no calories.

Cake is special occasion food. We grew up eating it as little kids at birthday parties. Who counted calories at birthday parties? Nobody. Back then our only food related stress was having to elbow our best friend in the ribs to get the last slice with a flower.

Then we got older. Cakes were for kids. We were cool and ordered pizza at our parties, and oh my god I can't believe he finally looked at me and I had grease all over my chin and a slice of pepperoni stuck to my cheek and it doesn't matter anyway because it was my third slice and now I'll never get into my jeans again and I'm just going to spend the night of the prom at home writing song lyrics all over my wall in eyeliner anyway.

Then we grew up. Suddenly we were allowed in nice restaurants and invited to catered parties. Suddenly we were faced with critical decisions such as which would be the greater faux pas - turning our nose up at a rare, expensive delicacy or making a fool out of ourselves by chowing down on a table decoration in front of our boss's family?

Ice cream? Don't even get me started on ice cream. Remember what you were eating when you wrote those song lyrics all over your bedroom wall in eyeliner?

We like cake because cake doesn't have baggage.

Cake has sprinkles.

45 comments:

T.Allen-Mercado said...

Ha! Just when I was thinking I really didn't need cake-you've given me too many reasons to turn it down! And you're right, none of that stylin' grown up people stuff tastes good anyway.

AMIdesigns said...

oh now i want some cake and it's only 7.42am here!

Fire Byrd said...

cake for breakfast, bring it on NOW! Great post, really got the cakebuds going. I want lemon drizzle cake and I want it now.... and what have I got some stale biscuits or toast, nope not the same.
xx

Krimmyk said...

Sorry what, I missed the post as I may or may not have been glancing lovingly at the cake. Makes me want to drive the over an hour to HyVee and get some of their mint, or even marble cake.

BrightenedBoy said...

This isn't exactly the same thing, but I went to the Cheesecake Factory for the first time this weekend and gained three pounds.

Michael said...

Wow, that was like... culinary anthropology. Awesome analysis of the psychology relating to cake - quite a unique topic.

I really want cake now.

Michael.
Do you hate it too?
"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

Dr Zibbs said...

Come to think of it...I could go for a cupcake right now.

♥ Braja said...

Fan-bloody-tastic. I love it. I think I love you....

darsden said...

Cake! Somebody said there was Cake over here...I waaaaaaannnnt some!! Funny :-)

IB said...

Brilliant. Braja tipped me off that you had cake.

I also noticed you hanging about my place earlier today...thanks...but no cake was left at the door. What's up with that?

Ann's Rants said...

I, too, come from the land of Braja.

Great post.

I need cake. And more eyeliner.

darsden said...

oh yea Braja sent me too :-)

♥ Braja said...

And i just wanted to say, IB only became a follower cos it says all the followers are the sexiest people on the planet. I did it because I'm genuine. Just sayin'....

Bella said...

LOL great post!

Yeah, bring on the cake, leave the baggage to the bedroom walls who can't talk and nobody listens to anyway!

darsden said...

I follow what that dancing Yogini does

darsden said...

I am a Yogini Stalker!!

IB said...

Hang on a minute, Braja. Your secondary comment makes me sound rather shallow and insincere. Wait.

Never mind.

Still, don't think I don't know your just trying to edge me out of my cake.

I'm on to you.

darsden said...

Everybody L@@K over there....>>>>>


(sneaking in for more cake)

Ann's Rants said...

Just ran back in my purple Nikes. Hey Braja? Where's that special kool aid you wanted us to drink?

darsden said...

Kool Aide... NOW it's a party

♥ Braja said...

Dar is onto me. I was actually just trying to distract everyone and steal all the cake. Cos it has no calories. And no baggage. Kinda like me!!!

darsden said...

I know all about you Yogini's have to watch you! NO, baggage cuz you had the plastics....Crap did I say that out loud

IB said...

Nuthin' like cake to make the kids get all wired and crazy on a sugar-buzz!

Good luck getting us to quiet down now.

darsden said...

Oh man do I love a gooooood sugar cake buzzzzzz

♥ Braja said...

I'm with Ian: good luck tryin' to shut us all up now. Take Dar, for example....
:)

darsden said...

Hey now watch it Yogini, I have Kool Aid now and it might be spilltheth on youith

IB said...

OK ladies, let's chill a little or we won't be invited back.

darsden said...

she started it...LOL

Chris said...

Remember when people would cut a giant wedge as a piece and no one said, "Oh, that's way too much?"

tattytiara said...

Thanks for introducing me to these sexy people, Braja, and I'm pleased to meet your sexy self as well!

otin said...

I eat anything that will make me fat!! LOL

Captain Dumbass said...

Not only do I have cake in the house, I have two. I will eat a piece of each in your honour.

Captain Dumbass said...

And I'm also here because of Braja. Because when she says "jump!" I squeal "how high" like a little girl.

♥ Braja said...

Oh, you thank me now, but one day you'll regret it....

And listen to the Capt'n, always "I've got two cakes" and even showing pictures of them on his blog. He must be Canadian....

tattytiara said...

Ah, my regrets are some of my favourite things. Cake for everyone!

Charmaine said...

And then we got even OLDER, started having hot flashes and forgot all about the cake. We just ate handfulls of sprinkles, instead.

Tamara said...

The cake is a lie

Gaston Studio said...

Braja sent me too... and I love your line about cake having no baggage. Brilliant!

Laura said...

cake. perhaps the perfect food... cupcakes are my current lust. if the frosting outweighs the cupcake? that's best...

thanks for stopping by the trailer park!

cabin + cub said...

Mmmm... I am craving cake now. A big chocolate slice would be nice with a tall glass of milk.

mo.stoneskin said...

Actually I'm a cool kid who is now craving pizza. No, make that a Yorkshire pudding pizza. Oh yeah.

Michel said...

Did someone say cake???

HOLY SHIT DUDE! I think we might be soul sisters because i spend my life trying to justify my cake consumption. I will literally make up special occasions to have it.

Braja sent me as well, but my god...I had no idea the wisdom you have....

PS Don't listen to Mo. He's British. Need I say more? Let's not make him feel foolish for his puddings.

Michel said...

PS the ratio of cake to people seems to be a bit off - you're going to need to make more. I'll wait.

Kate said...

Oh that looks so good!

Kate x

Brian Miller said...

yeah, by now you have figured out who sent us...lol. did some one say cake...and where do i sign up for the sexy people list...

About Me

My photo
Alberta, Canada
Quality blog entertainments delivered in a convenient, electronic format, and widely read by the sexiest, most intelligent, and wittiest people on the internet - all of whom practice exemplary personal hygiene.