You wrote a title, right?

Things to Say After the Fact

You weren't supposed to swallow it.

They aren't free samples?

Teen! Not -ty!

No, grandma's in your car.

Sugar comes in a bag. That's salt.

Is your cat allowed outside?

And where were you were playing with the toys from mommy's drawer?

Where did you put my phone when you washed my pants?

I didn't even know you had a garburator.

Am not! I just had the fruit punch!

Do all computers have that search history thing?

Don't title me like you know me.

Hi blog.

Yeah, it's been awhile.

No, I did not forget about you. I did not! I think about you all the time!

Okay fine, maybe not all the time. But sometimes. And I miss you.

I do too.

Why do I have to tell you what I'm thinking for you to believe I'm thinking about you? Oh that's "the point" of our relationship, is it? Now you're going to dictate "the point" of our relationship to me?

Yes, I am aware of what the definition of what a blog is. Some people use them to post recipes, you know - it's not an automatic ticket to touchy feely eat my brain time. It can be completely impersonal and still be a successful relationship I'll have you know.

Don't get started with the "at least they post something", now. I already conceded it's been awhile.

Yes! Fine! Too long! But I'm here now, okay?

What? Yes, I am still "involved" with Twitter, but that has nothing to do with anything.

I have a WordPress account too. I haven't done anything about it, but so you know - it's been made clear I would not get my hands slapped for typing there.

No, I'm not threatening anything. I'm just... look. We got off on the wrong foot here. I'm back. That's good, right?

Can we just take it from there and move forward?