Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I trust you know that you really can't believe a word I say in these titles.

Fact: Butter is made from melted dandelions.
Fact: Foxes are the offspring of mated coyotes and house cats.
Fact: Nutmeg is magic.
Fact: If you wear a pair of pants with fake pockets for 21 straight days you will go certifiably insane.
Fact: The entire universe is inside out.
Fact: Mermaids taste like corn chips.
Fact: Finger and toenails are not actually part of the body. They are technically parasites.
Fact: Children who eat glue bounce higher when you drop them than those who don't.
Fact: Math is mostly wrong.
Fact: Grammar is even wronger.
Fact: Worms are coagulated rain.
Fact: Blogger automatically censors out the word
Fact: I was totally messing with you there.
Fact: Roughly translated, the word for "belly button" in Swahili means "imagination of the intestine to believe it can make kisses"
Fact: The original teddy bear was an actual grizzly cub trained to attack small children who got out of bed to pee.
Fact: Kittens are coagulated cotton candy.
Fact: Shag carpeting is responsible for 154 sock fires every year.
Fact: Bowling is technically not considered a pornographic act.
Fact: A properly aged brie can be absorbed directly through the skin.
Fact: Monsters, if they existed, would kill and eat people.
Fact: Pencils feel pain when you sharpen them.
Fact: The average five year old gains three and a quarter pounds over the course of a year eating boogers.
Fact: The longest any human being has survived post-decapitation is not at all.
Fact: This is getting wordy.

55 comments:

Brandye said...

"Fact: Pencils feel pain when you sharpen them."

I knew it!

blueviolet said...

I knew about the worms, but kittens...that one was new to me. :)

Brian Miller said...

no wonder i have gained weight...on a booger diet!

Jazz said...

Fact: Mermaids taste like corn chips.

Well hell, and I never ate any cause I thought they tasted like brussel sprouts!

Where the Fur Flies said...

I'm not sure if I should be thoroughly impressed or kinda scared.

Just telling it like it is said...

Fact: after childbirth your vajjj is never the same...oh that sucks hu?

Eva Gallant said...

What have you been imbibing, girl?

Lo said...

Love your facts.....they are much better than other people's facts.
I am awed.

Buckeroomama said...

Mermaids taste like corn chips? However did you come up with that one?!

Worms are coagulated rain.

I love your imagination. :)

ScoMan said...

Maths isn't wrong, you're wrong!

nick said...

I'm seething with jealousy. I've been trying to find out all these things for 63 years and suddenly you've discovered the lot at your tender age. How did you manage that? Has that Martian been whispering in your ear again?

I always suspected the universe was inside out. Either that or upside down.

secret agent woman said...

Fact: I was totally messing with you there.

I see you slipped one actual fact in.

Nessa said...

"Monsters, if they existed, would kill and eat people." This is totally false and therefore I suspect the veracity of all of your other statements.

(Don't you just love the word veracity?)

blog with no name said...

I love corn chips! Can't wait to meet a mermaid...

mythopolis said...

I always thought Mermaids were the 'chickens of the sea', but now that you mention it, they do taste great with guacamole.

Melissa B. said...

I know for a FACT that BAD grammar is even wronger...

Brooke said...

Nutmeg IS magic.

carma said...

pants with fake pockets are the bane of my existence. I have two pairs of capris with those and I'm forever trying to put something in my "pocket"!!!

TheFrogBag said...

I do truly believe that the universe is inside out. It's the thought of what it might be wrapped around that keeps me up at night!

linlah said...

Facts are fun aren't they.

Mrsbear said...

You've got a strange and beautiful brain, I like it.

Although I did mistakenly think boogers were a fat free food.

e said...

I always knew maths were wrong, though I could never convince my teachers...

Fun post. I hope the wonder cat is still happily wondering...

Stephanie Faris said...

Hilarious! I had to read number one a few times, then I realized what was going on here.

buffalodick said...

What does this all mean?

injaynesworld said...

I want what you're smoking.

Deanna said...

Fact: If you drink Nyquil you come up with strange facts.

Thanks for the grins

bunny said...

thanks for visiting me today and double thanks for confirming stuff I suspected.


bunny

Hilary said...

Your facts truly are stranger than fiction. Fun stuff.

Thanks for your visit to my blog today. :)

BLOGitse said...

autch! I'm lucky - I would hate to be a pencil! :)
I've moved!

You find me here > BLOGitse

otin said...

I always heard that mermaids tasted like chicken? Now I have to rethink the whole eating a mermaid thing! LOL

Owen said...

FACT : Tattytiara's tiara is slightly compressing her cranial cavity, causing spurious connections to short circuit certain synapses in her brain, provoking outbursts of factoids each one more hilarious than the last. If she would take off her tiara, this phenomenon would cease. Which probably explains why she steadfastly refuses to remove it. Or it may be that she has been eating cotton candy again, and has a loud meowing going on deep in her tummy... causing this irrational outburst...

Slamdunk said...

"If you wear a pair of pants with fake pockets for 21 straight days you will go certifiably insane."

If I keep wearing shorts with so many pockets that I can never find my keys, phone, etc., I will be certified insane shortly.

....Petty Witter said...

No, but the shag pile carpet fact is most certainly true and I wouldn't be at all surprised if the finger/toe nail fact was right as well.

Akelamalu said...

Some interesting facts there!

Liza said...

"Fact: Math is mostly wrong."
Tell that to my grade 9 math teacher!
"Fact: Grammar is even wronger."
Makes sense to me!

Shrinky said...

What a terrifying glimpse into the bizzare feline mind - I'm never letting that mog of mine sleep in the same room as me, ever, ever again - nuh-uh - not never. (Shudder)

That glue thing is true, though..

nitebyrd said...

I hear pencils screaming at night. It's tragic.

:D

ModernMom said...

Like a fairy tale gone wrong:)

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I completely agree about the weight gain from boogers. She tries to get out of it by her coy, "here mommy, I have something for you." I know it's always a booger. Really kid.

I love it about the belly button. Perfect explanation!

Aging Mommy said...

I am very impressed and agree with one exception as being a mathematician (sad but true) I know that maths is always right :-)

Christina said...

lol! i love it!

Kate said...

FAIL....mermaids taste like chicken. Thanks for the other facts, anyway!

Joy said...

Hi lady :) This is Raelene...I've changed my blog, just so you know :)

Indi said...

Fact ~ wind is the ghosts having a party! Ya see I too talk gobbledygook too ;)

Indi

x

frigginloon said...

I am now utterly confused and will be forced to reassess my life as I know it!!!

Megan said...

Fact: I'm glad I made you laugh. Because you make me!

The Blue Zoo said...

have you been chowing down on mermaids lately?

The kitten one kinda grossed me out! LOL I can just hope that I forget this post before its time for the county fair.

Mr. Stupid said...

I always suspected the Teddy Bears had an evil past. Great facts.
And yes, Math is wrong. Though, I always managed to make it wronger.

lisleman said...

I have not sharpened a pencil in many many years. The pencils can not be found in the house anymore and this explains it. They all escaped.

Vicki Lane said...

The thing about fingernails and toenails explains a lot...

Unknown Mami said...

Fact: Bubble gum is made out of gooey boogers.

Jenners said...

OK ... this is pure genius. I must do one of my own posts like this. You are brilliant!

Traci said...

See. I was using the glue all wrong with the children. I was using it to hold on to them so I wouldn't drop them -- now I know that if I simply feed it to them, it's okay to drop them. You always have the best advice -- that's why I keep coming!
:-)
Traci

Rosidah Abidin said...

Thanks for leading me to the right track on the facts ;)

HalfAsstic.com said...

New truths! Amazing facts! I am simply agog!

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